why youtube videos?

I never meant to do youtube videos. The audience there is often impolite, rude, overly critical or even perverted.
Not a nice combination when you just want to make videos that entertain or help people.
"Ist noch kein Meister vom Himmel gefallen" (Masters don't just drop from heaven), everyone has to start somewhere.
But an incident on my own Long Hair Forum quickly changed my mind.
I had caught a member there photoshopping the hair photos she constributed to my site and forum, to be more impressive. I had met her in real life just a few months ago, and I did not feel right when I saw those "pimped" photos. Especially her braid was an indicator for the fake...at a growth rate of 1cm/ 0.4" a month, braids don't double in thickness within a half year! I tried to approach her privately, but she would not admit anything. After a couple of failed approaches I told 6 trusted members about my thoughts, to decide how we could get her to come clean. True - I could have just sent her away, but she was a beloved member and I was hoping for a good outcome.
I wrote her a long letter in which I explained that we will forgive her in case she was just very self conscious, and maybe that is why she photoshopped her hair (styles) to extreme sizes. But it came completely different, instead of writing with me privately she completely flipped out and threw a tantrum on the boards, blaming me, talking bad about me...it was horrible.
I told her to calm down, I was shocked about this ugly side of hers, but instead of taking a day or two to think, she just kept herassing me and other members with emails, bad mouthing me when writing to the others, and insulting me in the worst and most ridiculous ways in her emails to me.
She said a ton of things some too ugly  and complicated to repeat..but basically she meant that I was just jealous of her hair, that probably everything on me is fake anyway and my hair would not really look as good as on the pictures.

So that is why - I made my first hair video outdoors! To prove..my hair looks at least as good as on the photos, actually even a bit nicer on video because I never before noticed how nicely it moved, silky, bouncy, slippery, shiney and healthy (yes, I do miss what I had then...).
I did not want her hair type or anything, the only thing I ever wanted was to have my layers, dye and taper grown out, and I was very close.

After a ton more insults I decided it is best if she leaves the forums, after all that she just seemed like a very bad person. No good person would say and do such things, especially the insults and later threats against me. I have high values, if you don't match these, then you are not made to be in my forum, on my website. I know its wishful thinking, but I refuse surrounding myself with asses.

Anyhow, I had that video up on youtube, and it was not as bad as I thought aside from a stupid remark here and there (I delete nasty comments).
Not much later I started getting sick and I knew that all this could threaten my hair. So I made more hair videos, since in the worst case szenario I would loose my long hair.
Uploading videos is very convenient and you have a ton of options, and own profile...so I thought why not add to my website and community by showing how to do certain hairstyles.
Making videos is a lot of fun, and I just love adding music to them. I'm sorry if my musical taste ever bothers anyone, but I just *need* the music in there.
So yeah, I guess you could say I kept making videos to document what I have (had) in case its gone in the future. That would also give me something to aspire too. And really, now that I have lost a lot of hair I look at those pictures and videos as an inspiration.

I even got more creative when it comes to videos with long hair. A couple I have not posted yet, but this one is a very clever hair video. Most people don't see it as such and think it is just some bad music video, but actually it shows the struggle against my sickness and hair loss.

My hair is shown in many sequences, just not constantly, more subtle. It starts off sunny - I got sick in summer...and at first, the outlook was not too bad. I was a bit "lost", but not too worried. You can see the girl in the video is also calmer while trying to find the way out of the forest. But something keeps her in that forest/ misery...just like something just brought me incredibly bad luck the 2nd half of 2009.
I was struggling with my sickness and the hair loss more and more, while she is struggling to find the way. Suffering is also depicted in the video to the point of a break down, during which she looks back at the past. I also had a point where my hair was coming out in handfuls and looking back at what I had was painful. It can feel like you never get there again. But I guess you can say that part is not all negative since we also see her headbanging (rebel)..so there is a chance she fights back. But in the end the outcome is unsure...wheather the girl gave up, or she got back up.
That is basically the point I am at right now.


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34 year old mom of 2 boys from Frankfurt Germany


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