Long Haired at Heart...

requested: long hair in public

2011-02-02T19:41:00.000-08:00

long Hair in Public

Someone requested for me to write about long hair in public.

It is really hard to describe the reactions from the public to long Hair, since it depends on so many factors like the place you live in, the taste of the people that see your hair, for what occasion you chose to wear it down.

I don't wear it down much in public
For several reasons:

- I wash once a week so it only looks great 2-3 days after the wash. It is not horrible the days after but I prefer to have it down when it is very clean since it just falls different.
The rest of the week is perfect for pretty updos though ;)

- When I don't know people yet I tend to leave it up since they might get weird with me. Especially in job situations I hide my hair all the time, because whenever I did leave it down there were those (female) coworkers that could not resist making weird or even mean comments or wanting to pull on my hair. Some people may also dissaprove of my hair.

- Keeps it out of the way for certain activities.
For some things, my hair is just too long. I could never mop the floor without my hair dragging all over it so it has to be put up.
Sports are almost worse tbh, I have not yet found a comfortable hairdo that would stay put and not tug, tangle my hair or fly all over the place when running :/

Comments

People comment on my hair in many different ways. I often get the generic "your hair is long!" comment. I'm never sure what to say to that since in my head I am thinking "duh!" ^^
Second people ask me how long it took me to grow my hair, expecting it to take around 10 years and are surprised to hear it is way less. I have even been asked if I EVER cut my hair! With a trimmed straight hemline! *shrug*
Many people like my hair and comment positively on its condition, length or color (both henna and natural color) and ask for advice which I like to give ;)
But of course there is also many bad and weird comments. Some people just think it is way too long and very often I get told it is way too thin, usually by people that tell me that IF their hair was long it would be as thick as a tree and how they could never manage it O_o

Crazy world...

One thing is for sure, with long hair you have to be able to handle all kinds of comments and attention....especially, stand above the negative ones and be self confident of your style and own beauty.

requested: where do I buy my cloths?

2011-02-02T19:32:00.000-08:00

My clothes are really mostly H&M. I tend to look for pieces that look "different", something I don't have, with nice detail, shape, colors...something that catches the eye.
I also mostly buy dresses, since I find they are easier to wear.
You only need a matching cardigan and tights and I find them more comfortable than thick jeans fabric.
For a layered look you can wear leggins under many dresses or even skinny jeans.

Other stores:

Mango: is like my special occasion kind of shop. I tend to get something there maybe once a year after getting some extra money for x-mas. Their dresses are lovely, very good quality.

Goodwill/ thrift stores:
Unwanted pieces are not always bad ^^, I have found many stylish pieces at these type of stores.

Forever 21:
Once in a while they have nice pieces that don't fall apart right away ;)

GAP:
A little plain sometimes but I have found a few nice items here as well.

Pacsun: rare

American Eagle: rare

Cheap-o brands:
No name stores and brands....there is usually about 10 good basics or cute items within 300 tacky pieces.
I am talking about the stores that sell these thin fabric pieces ;)

All in all I wear 80% H&M and the rest I just find here and there...
I think it is less the brands that make the outfit, it is about buying and combining the right pieces mostly :)

Requested topics!

2010-12-20T00:25:00.000-08:00

I am currently working on 3 requested topics:

1. Long hair in public
2. Where do I buy my clothes aside from H&M
3. Proper cutting of hair

The answers will be posted soon!
Sorry for taking long, as you see I have been gone since June :(
I will now post and take requests regulary again.

growing again

2010-12-18T21:04:00.000-08:00

On the grow again...an experiment

After one year of trimming post my hairloss I decided to continue growing.
[ to see my hair in a thinned state after the loss click here: http://longhairedatheart.blogspot.com/2010/03/hair-january-march-2010.html]
You must now think that my hair must have been restored to its old health and thickness...but nope...
My hair has bettered a considerable amount. Not as much as I was hoping tbh, but a second shed cought me off guard in late summer.
It is also not as healthy as it used to be, but I am working on it. The thyroid issues have made it more prone to damage. I don't know wheather that will subside, but I am still working on having my dose well adjusted anyway. So we will see.

Other than that I will take care of it as good as I can and of course document that too.

Now on to my growing plans:

Stop trimming and let it grow freely for about 5 mths or so.

Sounds crazy considering my hair loss and the not so perfect state of hair but I wanna see what I can do.
If this plan is really desastrous, I can stop anytime ;).
But, if it works out my thickness should continue to grow down and my hair should be thigh length by spring with fairytale ends. I don't have to have blunt ends, I just want my hair to be managable and healthy.
Once I reach thigh length~ish hair I might maintain and trim some more.

what happened?

2010-12-18T20:54:00.000-08:00

What happened?

I have been away for several months for a number of reasons. Mostly health issues combined with personal problems. I also moved from East to West.

Health:

Once again I dealt with the issue of 'cervical cancer' (pre-cancerous really). And this time it was a bit more severe.
Last year the abnormal cells were quickly removed with a biopsy. But this time it did not work for me and I was actually categorized as "CIN 3". There is 1-3, 1 meaning "mild cervical dysplasia and 3 meaning severe dysplasia (abnormal cells that lead to cancer).
So I had to have a LEEP done. I was given the option to do it now or within 6-12 mths, but I chose to have it done right away for several reasons.
So on Nov. 1st they removed one layer of cervical tissue. It was pretty painful since even 6 surringes did not fully get my cervix numb.
I was in the middle of my move at that time and had to move boxes into storage myself *ouch*
But I seem to be healed now and hopefully the next check up will show me free of pre-cancerous cells.

Move:
For now I am living in San Diego, California. I shall talk more about that later, just need some time to settle and move on with my life.

busy times...

2010-07-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

As some may have noticed I have not been writing as much lately. I want to let everyone know that I am just really, really busy...not necessarily in a bad way, but it takes up all my attention.

I will dedicate this post to updates :)

So, what happened?

1. i started archery within my medieval reenactment group

I used to be an archer back in Germany..not for long but I loved it. A Mongolian Horse Bow (composite bow) is my weapon of choice. The reason I chose this weapon is because my "persona" is also biracial, just here viking & turkic, which is not exactly true for real life, but a good match for a Eurasian like me.
My bow is rather heavy, not knowing lbs I bought a bow advertised as 55lbs years ago. According to some professional Archers it really feels more like 45lbs, but that is still a lot if you consider beginner bows are around 15lbs.
Anyhow, back then I was determined to master this bow..I shot without any gear or rest (for the arrow) and at the end of the day my left arm was blue and black but I was proud that I was able to shoot this thing for hours.
Nowadays I don't feel comfortable with lighter bows anymore...I could not shoot them to save my life ;)

2. i'm going out

I have been out more and connecting more with people. Not to mention a long hair meet up from a forum I have been pursueing for years took place in New York...so I just had to go :)
As you can see on the picture, my hair is much better, I even almost have a hemline now (Don't mind the color craziness I will post about that later, my hair is NOT yellow ^^)
I am glad I am doing this now, it has always been a problem for me to connect with the right people...it is just that there is not that many good people in this world really, and even less that are alike...as sad as that sounds.
But you can see I am on the best way....I never really had a problem finding friends back in Germany, so somehow I will master it here too, you just gotta know where to look I guess.

3. medieval fairs

I finally get to live my hobby again...
That is a good excuse to spend less time in front of the PC :)

Even a out of State fair is planned in a few days, I am really exited.

4. medical

I am still dealing with A LOT. I am just more positive at the moment since many things are bettering. But really, I am not really "healthy" yet.
My Tumor: Seems to be doing fine, the prolactin levels are low thanks to the medication, so at least its not causing any more problems at the moment.
My Thyroid: Worse...my TSH jumped from 3 to 8 within a few months...for whatever reason. I decided to get it retested before I really start popping thyroid meds.
My HPV: Back...this years PAP test came back positive again, so now I am scheduled for a colposcopy where they will take a closer look at the cerivx. It is also likely that some tissue will be removed and send in for lab testing.

5. other

There is a lot more going on, but I can't quite talk about it yet...I will be sure to explain later on, but for now just know that there is a lot of personal stuff going on, I will turn my life around.
When I am done, you will probably be like "holy shit"...^^ (the hair stays so no worries about that)
It will all be good, but getting there is the hardest part. Please wish me all the best with that, it is important I stay healthy and strong to get where I want to be!

me, myself and i

2010-06-09T18:20:00.000-07:00

me, myself and i....
"We" are not in a great condition, no doubt about that.

Friends have often pointed out that it may be emotional hardship, depression, being unhappy...call it whatever you want...and there may be some truth to that.

People can suffer for a long time and be okay, but not forever....thats how I see it at least. All I know is that for a while life has been throwing bad things at me and now I'm struggling to fight them off.
I'm defintely an optimist, and that is also why I don't like using the word depression. I guess I'm just unfortunate. Of course life is what we make out of it, but you can make really good looking choices one day, and then later on they turn on you, if that makes sense.

I guess I don't need much to be happy, but maybe what I'm asking for is too specific. Maybe it is because of the person I am, the things I like are not generally what others like. They are "weird" to many others in one way or another. I definetly don't want to change though, I enjoy all these things and I'm happy this way. I think that many other people have bland lifes...not for me.
I don't know many things..but what I do know is that being happy and being me is so important to me. I'm the type of person that wants to enjoy life as much as possible, now. Not when I retire, not when I have made a ton of money. But I also do know that things don't work this way and a happy medium is hard to do.

Anyhow, when left alone, I am who I want to be, when influenced by others, I get unhappy trying to fit somewhere I don't belong. Let me give you one example - I worked in Business, which is fast pace and competitive and you have to be able to step up if needed to, deal with a million of assholes everyday.
But I am a quiet, introverted person, I don't like dealing with too many people, I don't like to be a bitch I just want to be quiet and nice and enjoy myself, give my attention to good people that deserve it.
That is just NOT a good combination for Business, or most jobs for that matter.

What did I want to do?? Well, my first dream of a career was being a Comic Book Artist....just getting my own little stories on paper. I have a very vivid fantasy ^^. But thats not a gurantee for sucess and it does not feed you in the meantime, so I gave up on it years ago. I also broke my wrist in a complicated way then so I had a good reason to stop.

But going back to 2003, my life looked like this:
I was 20, had gotten out of a ill relationship and tried to make good use of my time. Thats when I started getting into Medieval Reenactment, it is quite big in Germany. Thanks to this wonderful hobby I met so many interesting people and saw many interesting places. Like I said, I am introverted, but that is nothing like "shy", so I chose to come out of my shell and interact with these people because they were so much more interesting than the average fart. After a while I had estbalished quite a network, many knew and liked me and I just enjoyed the time at the fairs, the peace I felt when sitting in a medieval camp, by fire, everyone dressed up in garb, drinking, laughing, talking...the weather could not harm us, although it was far from luxury, hard to describe but it was a great get away.
In the meantime I was registering for Business College, while still pursuing my dream of being an Artist on the side. I had just started an interesting Story about the Vikings, thats what I was reenacting too ;)
My boyfriend at the time, who I met on the fairs was also very passionate about that type of hobby and together we traveled and did many interesting things.

Aside from that big part, I was living with my parents and younger sister, in the little house they had just bought a few years ago. Very small German Town (8000 ppl), full of medieval mysteries, a castle, medieval cemitaries, houses dating back as far as 1200 and lots of free landscape, forest, field, river..everything was nearby and when I needed to get out I usually went to one of those peaceful places and listened to some music. The big city (Frankfurt am Main) was closeby and I loved exploring that also.
Most of my friends enjoyed the same music, it is very important to me to share that with someone. And before anyone assumes, part of being goth is being depressed, well that is just wrong, being like that makes me happy, not the other way. The more I try not to be the more unhappy I get.

Anyhow, my life changed...at first I lived in Military Housing with my husband, which was not all too bad, I still had my friends and family close by, the town was larger but still nice and my Medieval Reenactment was going really well, just before he got deployed to Iraq I was the Chief of my own Reenactment Group and in charge of roughly 35 people.
As soon as he got back we had to move to the States, I was thrown into a completely different life...with a completely different husband too it seems, Iraq changed people. I was the first to find a job and from then on I started traveling to the city everyday, 5 hours commute, no idea of the people and their mentality, other customs, hell I did not even know what Skittles were.

But I managed somehow, it was hard and private problems made it harder. I missed my family and my country terribly, I missed all the things I enjoyed doing. I seemed to be unable to find friends, at least some that where on the same page, admittedly I'm a bit picky too. I spent most of my time at home really, using the internet to stay in touch with friends and family, particpated in other social networks.

Well, and thats how I have been 'living' for the past couple of years now....not.

And you know what happened then, I got sick and sicker...sickest. I felt weak and shitty all over and like nothing in this world could make me feel better. I had no emotional support, I was a bother...so the longer I was sick, the more I realized I would have to be facing this myself pretty much.

2010
Seems like a whole different year for now, I had to get up and take care of myself. My illness is being treated and I am feeling better every month, I am taking care of myself, I read and learn about my conditions, I drive myself to the Doctors and don't bother anyone with anything. Plus, I finally started going out once in a while with friends and got myself a hobby here, also Medieval Reenactment, just the US Version.

I guess in the end my goal is to be healthy, happy and independent, I might even get out of the business field. All I can say for now is that I have picked up drawing comics books again where I left off 2004. :)

more meds huh?

2010-06-07T15:16:00.000-07:00

This morning I received a call from my Doctors office. My bloodwork came back..

The lady on the phone did not really have an overview of what is going on, all she said was: "you are slightly hypothyroid and we will start you on medication"...

I was like "duh I am, but I thought as long as its bettering no meds" (well in a polite way), that was what the Doctor said last time, he wants to give me the prolactin medication only for now to see if the thyroid betters in return. She did not even mention my prolactin levels in any way. So I told her a few things:

1. I want to compare the results first to see if there is any bettering.
2. If there is in fact bettering it may be worth a shot monitoring this longer than 5 months..<_<

3. Are my Antbodies still high?? That was the dangerous thing, my body was attacking my thyroid, thats why I have Hashimoto Syndrome and not merely a normal Hypothyroidism. Second I could live with technically, first will have to be treated sooner or later.

4. So I'm popping what pills? Are they synthetic or is it natural porcine medicine?

5. Should I really take the meds if I have no symptoms whatsoever (anymore)? I feel healthy.

6. Wouldn't it be a good idea to discuss that with the Doctor before I go ahead.

Well, she is gonna get a copy of the results to me and I will speak to the Doctor in a few days..

But WHY do I have to think for everyone!!?

I think its risky to just go ahead and take those pills...appearently they did not even have my old results in the office anymore, so it could be a mistake.

Just one great example on how lightly the Health Care System deals with drugs. Yes, they may benefit us and there may not be a way around it but they are DRUGS none the less.

Hm...anyhow. I'm good, not worrying to much about health related things and very much focusing on enjoying my time and getting better...I'm sure that will help my condition too in a way.

(that on the left are video screen shots by the way..;))

full regrowth?

2010-05-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

1st Set: my 'fringe' of new hairs, was very appearent after I had braided a strand close to the forehead.

I have certainly had many phases of regrowth since my hairloss. Some hairs are almost shoulder length and some barely 1 inch. But as of right now, I think my regrowth progress might be complete. I do think so because the latest 2 inches of hair growth are completely even textured, no frizzies, no little new hairs inbetween. Below those 2 inches there is a lot of baby hairs sticking out.

2nd Set: my nape hairs that are part of some earlier regrowth, must be from last year even judging from the length.

My guess would be that at least on my crown I have maxed out my thickness. What confirms this is that for a while now, I have not been having any thin spots on my head at all, no matter how messy or greasy my hair is (that used to worsen it).

The changes are easy to see in the mirror, but harder to capture with my camera. I have taken multiple pictures in different light and angles, raised contrast a bit on picasa, to show what I am talking about.

3rd Set: The Smooth new growth vs. the baby hairs sticking out below.

Now, that new hair only needs to find its way down, which will take forever but that does not mean the existing thickness will not grow down, above my waist I have a big blob of hair that is just waiting to fill in my hemline ;) We will see how that goes.

looking back at July 2009

2010-05-13T02:11:00.000-07:00

May 2010, I have been ill for 1 year, or known of it that is.
In July 2009, I already knew that I was going to loose more or less hair.
At what point of time, was uncertain, as you may know my cervical cancer problem did not require much treatment because it was not cancer yet, rather mutated cells. But at that time everything was unsure.

That day the video was made I wanted to document everything before the hair loss really started. I had just worn my hair down at work for the first time (noone knew I had long hair), and then went home to make the video and take some pictures.

I was not very creative at making the video, it was really more documenting than anything else at that time, so that why it is just me combing and standing with my back towards the camera the whole time.
Shortly after we went on vacation to the Carribean (St. Lucia), which I really enjoyed. We traveled all across the Island, seeing many interesting places during that time.

After the vacation, I started my treatment. I had also quit the Birth Control Pill for Health Reasons and switched to NFP. My shedding started right away, but first due to quitting the pill after 7 years of being on hormones.
As you know, that was only the beginning....

I like looking at the Video today. It is something I can aspire to while getting back on my feet....

disliking pale skin

2010-05-08T18:46:00.000-07:00

As a result of the tanning trend, many women came to dislike their natural pale skin color. Especially the ones that are on the "beginning of the Spectrum".

The reasons for this are different, but when you ask them, many will say they feel they look "healthier" and better overall with a "sun kissed glow". Most don't even want to overdo it, it has just gotten so common to be a bit more tan than you were born.

Like I mentioned before, - this is a very controversial topic and some people easily get offended. Especially when they tan themselves and don't want to hear any cons. Thats why I will try to carefully explain where I'm coming from in several articels. I'm not a tanning virgin either, been there, done that...gave it up.
Read more here: http://longhairedatheart.blogspot.com/2010/05/tanning-trend-and-lightening-up.html

Skin color, your race...but a fashion trend?

Let me start of by saying that your skin color is related to your ethnic make up, usually called "race*". If your ancestry is Scandinavian for example, you will have a lighter skin tone ranging from porcellain to light beige.
If you are Latin, you will most likey be more tan, and if your roots stem from lower Africa you will have dark brown skin.
That is all good and well, that is just how we were born, "created"...how ever you want to call it.

And there certainly is some people out there that love their natural skin color, but these days, it is more the people that fit into the tanning trend, the ideal color is bronze today.
The other skin colors are not as desired it seems....almost like in beauty or fashion, when certain things are in, and others are out.

But wait a minute...should skin color really be treated like fashion?? Ever??

I have heard of black women that got told (by other black women) their skin color is "too dark", often it seems lighter blacks are the "lucky ones". Not a nice thing to do, but so far at least most do not take the drastic step to bleach themselves and rock their skin color anyways.
But what about the whites, that can easily grab a bottle of self tanner or just let the UV rays do their thing?
Yes, they have chosen tanning, rather than defending their own beauty. Sure, if lightening up a hue or two was easier I think more would give it a try....but it just saddens me to think that anyone would want to change their skin color because they think its ugly.
It is a bit more than just a sweater or even your hair....the skin is an organ, the largest one at that.
(Model above right: Barbara Maier (Germany))

What is even more sad is bad comments on pale or fair skin color. Some are downright insults or even racist. Yes, I DO think it is racist to make bad comments on pale skin tones (or any skin tone for that matter), even if it comes from people who are also naturally light...not other ethnicities. Just think of how stupid that sounds "you were born with an ugly skin color"...
The comment "go get a tan" is almost as normal as saying "how are you doing"...noone thinks its a bad thing, but again...think of it the other way - "go bleach yourself a little"...everyone would flip the fuck out.
Most Europeans, the few...are naturally not tan. If you are Irish - Irish are not tan, if you are Dutch - Dutch aren't tan either. There is not many fair skinned people left in this world, and it is sad to see that the ones that are left seem to dislike it.

No tan is still mostly beautiful in Asia

Dan Ji, Kim Tae Hee, Song Hye Kyo (Korea)

Toda Erika (Japan), Becky (Japan), Fan Bing Bing (China)

"Birth Color"

"Mother Nature" has planned well when she made you that skin color that you are. Your overall features match it and harmonize with it. The pink of your lips and cheeks is just strong enough for your own skin tone, same with your eyes, brows etc. When you tan yourself you will naturally end up needing more make up, not to look washed out. I know people thin tan disguises their under eye circles and spots, but they are only another less noticeable shad for your own eyes, it is still there...I can see it, others can too, just for you it seems to have changed. Looking back at my tanner days, I was not any less blemished looking than with lighter skin...on top of that my lips looked so pale they actually looked smaller and slimmer, less "there", my eyes just did not pop as much as they do with a light complexion, plus...it made me look a bit older, back then not a problem, I was very young, but I don't want that in the future.

Pale, fair, white...what the hell?

"Pale" does not equal fair skin, just to be clear. You can be pale at any skin tone, it is just that mostly fair people are referred to as pale. But no matter what color you are, being at your lightest, your birth color can benefit your looks just like I described it above for fair skinned people.
Speaking of "fair", that really is not a skin tone either, its just common slang to describe very light skin. Skin Tones have not really be put into words yet, they are still just numbers according to science.

Definiton of "Fair"

Etymology: Middle English fager, fair, from Old English fæger; akin to Old High German fagar beautiful

Date: before 12th century

1 : pleasing to the eye or mind especially because of fresh, charming, or flawless quality, clean, pure

So, according to that, anyone can be fair, and fair is just pale...same word. Sadly pale was given a negative reputation, so let me call untannted skin of any color "fair"..

Of course, knowing all that confusion, it is hard to find a fair lady with naturally darker skin, just completely untanned. But latest fashion photos celebrate the porcellain look for all. I think this picture of Chanel Iman is a nice example of a girl that could be darker and more 'colorful', but she chooses a puristic look. It is clear that her skin is not tanned, a tan just looks different...the skin is more reddish, pigmented, it is almost like someone has turned up the "saturation".

Take a look at tan Victoria Beckham for example, she is by no means very light skinned naturally, but she has tanned herself even darker and it is noticeable she is keeping up a tan.

Self tanners are not the most natural looking option either, you will end up looking uneven, yellowish or orangey. In the end, no matter how you turn it, to the trained eye, it will never look natural. To the untrained eye, something about you will just seem off...

In the End...

I'm just giving people another view on tan, reveal some things that don't make sense. I don't want to force anyone to stop, and I can't....whoever is truly commited to tanning will not stop because of opinions like mine. But what I do care about are the people that don't even really know why they are doing it, that are maybe even tired of it or giving in to trends and the pressure of society.
I don't think its enough to keep telling people how bad a tan is, and how you are going to age faster and get cancer...that alone does not solve anything. The issue is much deeper, and just like with a child you can not simply just "forbid" things, you need to talk and educate. That allows people to view things differently and they may make different decisions based on this new view.

I want to say that your skin tone is the least thing you should worry about. That is just one more thing to tell us we are not good the way we naturally are, and do we really need that?

* I somewhat dislike terms like race, black, white..etc. they are too general and not accurate, however..I have to use them to some degree so people understand it. It's common language.

the tanning trend and lightening up

2010-05-08T16:38:00.000-07:00

This is a very controversial topic, believe it or not. Although saying "your natural skin color is beautiful" would be a nice thing, "tanners" can still get offended and try to defend something they need and love.
Sometimes I think maybe it is too early too talk about this, better luck in 10 years. But I can't help but wanting to say certain things about skin color, the tanning craze and all the pros and cons.

I will try to break this up into many different posts, each one focusing on a different part of the whole topic, slowly building up towards what I want to bring across.
And this one is simply some well meant philosophy about trends, body image, combined with some knowledge and experiences.

History of Tanning

We know that way back in the day, the noble lords and ladies avoided the Sun mostly. Peasants had to spend their time outside on the fields a lot and their skin carried the signs, being pale was not only youthful, it was a sign of wealth. Tanning was mostly avoided until after WW2, but when the war was over, being tan became a sign of wealth and health, simply because in most parts of the world it was the more wealthy that could afford traveling and vacationing to achieve that all over bikini tan (not the farmers than, that was frowned upon ;)

But the years after, it was simply a summery thing to do and was rarely overdone.
With the tanning bed becoming more advanced however and the self tanner being introduced, a whole new trend started. Being tan was now not only a thing of the summer, it was a a must. Celebs like Christina Aguilera promoted the trend. Living in Germany at that time, I remember many girls liking the fact that they had the option of looking less like 'themselves', I guess for many it was at first just a new and exiting thing to try, like a new hair cut. But some simply liked the fact that they could look a bit more exotic, and a little less pale German (dyeing hair darker is just a popular as bleaching hair in Northern Europe).

My own history

Little by little, people started getting used to it. It was always a good thing to be the one that tans easily and never burns, but now people wanted to be like that more than ever. Formerly pale friends declared to me that their skin simply is like that, darker than average. And I honestly think they were not completely lieing about that. Some seemed to have forgotten how light they can get, because they kept up the tan.
That of course altered the perception of skin color and anyone that was not at least 'beige', was now declared unbelievably pale. I was one of the 'darker girls' in Elementary school, I'm a brunette, my mother is a tan mediterranean type (Spaniard heritage). But by the time I started going to college I was suddenly referred to as "unbelievably pale". It was considered 'ugly'.

I was never a fan of baking.... normal outdoor activities, like my time spent on the horseranch do not get me tan really, the German Sun was simply too weak for me. So unless I was vacationing in Southern Europe, I made use of a bottle of self tanner, for the face and the body.
I never overdid it, and sometimes people still told me I was pale, but I was always slightly tan year round. Over time it just became me, I got used to it. People were sort of expecting it too because of the way I looked, strong dark brows, dark hair (then even dyed a bit darker) and not really a German face to begin with.

Years passed and the trend was still strong, by meeting my American husband I also met another thing - racial controversy. My husband (Puerto Rican) told me he had never been with a "white woman"...hm..."white woman"..., almost sounds like something 'tribal' I thought. Now living among (Military) Americans, I got to experience the diversion of the races/cultures that is going on in multicultural America. When someone called me a "pale cracker" or "blankita" and told me to get a tan, it occured to me for the first time that this is a really sensitive issue. It would not be okay for me to go around and insult someone about their skin color and then say "go bleach yourself" or something, so why is it okay the other way??

Summer 2000 this is me in tan after 2 weeks of Italy

That was around 2005, a time in which I was more mainstream than normally because of my environment, I also increased my tan a bit, before I only evened out the lighter and darker parts (arms are always dark, legs light etc.), but now I went for whole body applications. Of course I did not give up things I truely liked, but I simply tested out looking more mainstream because everyone around me was doing it and mainly because I thought my husband might like it. After all, he was the one that had been with Latinas only before. I even tried the tanning Salon a few times, my skin color was uneven, the farmers tan I had mentioned, and I wanted to get even. I did not like it, the whole place smelled like burned skin and I did not really feel like I looked any better after, just different.
My husband then got deployed to Iraq, and I dropped everything I had done to alter my looks just like that, hair dye, fake tan, fake nails, tight jeans and low cut tops...etc., I was not doing it for me, I realized that then.
I was also studying Science at that time, and over hair biology I came across skin biology and took part in interesting courses and seminars, even experiments about skin health, and also sun safety. Know knowing how tanning can really damage the skin I felt uncomfortable.

Lightening up

At that time I did not spend any time with anything Military or US related, neighbours in Military housing noticed the changes, also me getting paler every month, same with my German coworkers, but I did not care, this is what I really look like and I'm tired trying to look like something I'm not.
I admitted to my husband all the fake things I used to do, and that I had stopped. I was a little afraid of his reaction when he sees how light I really am, but to my surprise he liked it and said that he never understood why I did all these things. When I told him about the Latina thing, he called me silly and said that if he would have wanted to be with a Latina, he would have married one. I felt really stupid at that moment. Trying to hard can end up looking not so good, I realized that.

left: 2002, sun tan + self tanner + lots of eyeliner, right: 2009, just me

Ever since I am "healed" I would say. I view the whole tanning thing from a distance now. Been there, done that, but I decided it just does not make sense. The natural skin color is not something that should be changed like that...I mean, how did people ever get the idea that something is wrong with ones natural skin color?

And that leads us to the next part...

i have managed time travel

2010-05-06T14:42:00.000-07:00

It all started with a Doctors visit. The anti inflammatory drug Naproxen was helping little and causing more trouble than good. My stomach was greatly messed up and it got to the point where I could not eat without getting stomach cramps (read this - I'm peeved cause I lost the 3 lbs I just recently gained and that I wanted to keep). So I ended up making an emergency appointment with the nearest Orthopedic Doctor.

My GPS, which I greatly depend on, was not working properly. It just kept searching for Satelites. I found the place by myself, it was cinco de mayo and people were literally packed on top of each other in there.
Standing at the counter I was filling out paperwork, when suddenly my GPS decided to start working, blurting out things in Arabic!!!
The whole waiting room suddenly just went dead quiet....
I tried to safe the situation jokingly saying: "Don't worry, its not planning an attack!"....noone laughed. One woman got up and left the room.
I sat down trying to set this thing back to German. A man next to me, watched me, carefully asking "Did you buy this "here"? So I was like: "No, I got it on the "special Jihād sales Event" in Baghdad...
I was a little irritated because everyone was eyeballing me like I'm about to plant a bomb somewhere. I'm sure terrorists have better things to do than to attack 'Island Orthopedic Medical Care'.

Anyhow, back on topic. My GPS seems to be more than just a bomb...I mean..."Navigator".

It is a time machine!

I stepped into the examination room, and I immediately felt 25 years younger, or older..however you may see it. I was back in the year 1985! The room was as plain and characterless as Modern Talkings music ^^'.

I waited while looking at posters of people that are not alive anymore...so that is what they looked like back then ;) (okay, okay...the 80'ies are not that far in the past, no offense :P)

Still waiting I took a stroll and came across some patient files...confidental, but right in front of my nose. I also found a little hammer tool, you know that thing where they bump your knee to test the reflexes? Well, it was fixed with duct tape.

Then the Doctor walked in and all I was thinking was: "don't grab the hammer, don't grab the hammer..."
But he did...-_-, my reflexes are fine, thank you...I could have told you that.
One good thing - I did get an appointment for a hip MRI. I'm sure that will tell me more than the Doctors critical eye on my knee.

And because this post was so much fun, check out my last photo (montage)

protecting your hair on the way down

2010-05-03T17:39:00.000-07:00

"Longer does not have to mean more damage or a pain to deal with."

As requested by Melyssa, I want to share tips and tricks on protecting your hair while you grow it, without going completely mental over the daily life challenges of a longhair.

Many things can cause your hair damage to some degree and make it harder for you to grow long. But there is ways to get around that, and I'm not talking about wrapping your hair up and never taking it down again, there are compromises ;).

#1 Wear your hair up frequently
Most know that one. By keeping your hair up you will reduce it rubbing against your body or other things, simple as that. It does not have to be boring at all though, there is gentle hairstyles and hairtoys that bring exitement into this. I used to wear my hair down all the time, I did not know one updo, and I was so bored I felt like frequently getting layers or shortening. Now, all I think about is which of the 100something styles to wear and how to accessorize.

#2 Handle it gently
No matter if you wash, comb or style your hair. Treat it as gentle as possible. Make sure you use a comb rather than a regular brush, some brushes can be pretty hars to your hair and have sharp edges. But even with a comb, make sure it has no seams or shar edges. I always use a very wide toothed curls comb to detangle, and a finer one for combing. I rarely brush, but if I do I use a boar bristle brush.
Same goes for washing, shampoo gently, less shampoo on the lengths is better and don't rub it with a towel, just gently wrap it, after 5-10 mins. take the towel off and let your hair airdry while only gently detangling with a wide toothed comb.
As you can imagine, its better not to blow dry, even on a cold setting your hair can slightly dry out and suffer a wee bit of mechanical damage, especially if you use a brush for it.

#3 Protect it during outdoor activities or sports
During certain activities that take part outdoors or simply during sports. I often see women just throw their hair into a messy knot when they make sports and that can cause a lot of tangles in longer hair (it depends a bit on the hairtype). So its important to find a style that works for you and your hair during sports, braids are not bad if your hair is not too long...but the longer it gets, the harder it may be to find a style that works.
I'm afraid I can't offer a universal solution, YOU really have to see what works for you personally.
Then there is the Sun, the beach, a pool...wet hair is more fragile, saltwater and chlorine are bad for your hair, and the sun can act like mild bleach (actual bleach, yes). My hair survived a week in the carribean (St. Lucia) with lots of oil and shade. No problem if you want to let your hair out and enjoy yourself...just don't overdo it. You don't need to swim with your hair down all the time (mermaaiid...yay!)...and well Sun, you should avoid that anyway..but you know that right ;)?
In case you can't avoid the sun, make sure you carry a bandana, hat or even an umbrella...Carribeans do it too! Don't be stupid tourist! :P
Hair oil has a low SPF btw. (SPF 4-8), but if you need more, there is ways to make your own hair mist with micronized zinc oxide. If your hair turns white you have used too much zinc Around 20% should be good.

#4 Learn how to move with long hair
No kidding! You can do that...Some are quite clumsy when it comes to wearing their hair down, mostly because they are not used to it. But you can manage without getting all tangled up in your hair, sitting and stepping on it.
There is ways to move and to sit down where you can get your hair out of the way in a heartbeat. You may think over time it may become really annoying to move your hair out of the way, but truth is..you become used to it. I don't even notice it anymore, its routine, I can even do it in my sleep (really!).
Most of the time its just about grabbing the whole hair and moving it real quick. And before someone asks...the same goes for your hair during S e x.

#5 Protect in when you sleep
Sleeping on your hair can be really bad, I remember one day I woke up and my waist length ends looked all weirdly matted up and tangled..like a different texture. Thats when I knew I had to start wearing it in a better sleeping style. Braids are good, but you can still end up sleeping on the braid, which is not good...depends on your sleeping habits. Some like to drape their loose hair over the pillow and down on the back of the bed, but thats also not for people that turn in their sleep. Then there is sleeping caps....which I think may not be too appealing to your SO, and you will also still sleep on your hair..its just all balled up in there.
My favorite so far has been the high bun, it keeps all hair longer than chin length protected and out of the way, you even wake up with gorgeous loose waves in the morning. The only hard part is getting it to stay. I have tried many things from one big claw clip to hair forks, over small claw clips. Short hair forks (w. lazy wrap bun) I think would work well for hair that is not too slippery or heavy, same goes for big claw clips. What works best for me at the moment is just securing small claw clips all around the bun that I make on top of my head. The clips need to be made a certain way to grip the hair well, I like Scunci "no slip grip" mini clips for thick hair...the longer claws hold better. Use as many as needed. The bun may still loosen up a bit over night but your hair should be pretty protected over all. Whats also good is that you can dress up this bun nicely, make it look pretty...bangs in or out, braid it, coil it different, use different clips etc.

#6 Detangle often
It's simple, if you detangle once in a while you won't have to deal with a load of knots at the end of the day. I'm not shy about it, I carry my comb and when I need it I get it out. People may stare or even think you are just too vain, but just don't give a damn about that. You know what you are doing ;)
If you detangle often it shoud just take a short moment too.

That is the main things I can think of, they are pretty basic, but maybe they help a little, certain topics I may write about more detailed in the future.

TV is good in the hospital

2010-04-29T16:41:00.000-07:00

Have you met bedside TV yet? No? Then it might be time to spend some time in the hospital...
Your TV goes wherever you go. No fighting over the remote with rusty seniors anymore, if you don't want to watch personal shopping, you don't have to ;)

How did I get to enjoy this?
Well the groin pain I posted about worsended (http://longhairedatheart.blogspot.com/2010/04/groin-pain-again-another-infection.html), and after my gyno stuffed me with so many different antibiotics I did not even know my name anymore, I took on another route to get immediate assistance. No 2 weeks waiting for an appointment. And that was the ER.

"You are too young for this!"

Is what I kept hearing that night when doctors and nurses learned my story. Not really sure why they tell me this like I'm to blame..*shrug*. One nurse came in with medication, looked at me, asked me for my name, age, the date of birth. Then checked my wrist braclet and left mumbling "I just want to make sure I have the right patient"...When she came back she said "You look like a baby! I thought I had the wrong patient!"

She then took some blood, asked me for my blood type. When I answered "O negative", her face lit up. She now looked like she was draining liquid gold from my arms, while explaining how special and great that blood type is, and that it is a gift to help others. We came to speak about donations and I said I can not donate blood because a) I'm from Europe, b) I'm slightly lighter than 110lbs c) I'm ill. She meant they would still accept it since its O Negative...._.

Anyhow, I was X-rayed, blood drained and otherwise examined, they did not find anything. The doctor even suspected I pulled a ligmanent. Just how on earth could I do that by doing n o t h i n g ?

And if that part was really hurt like that, could I make any possible yoga move without any pain?

I was sent home with Naproxen and a grudge, because I still did not know for sure what I had.

I got to my next appointment (by myself) appointment alive and without any major accidents ;) ( I don't have a drivers license)...with the help of the sonogram 2 cysts on my ovaries were found. The one on the left seemed to be receeding already. I'm also not sure if that could cause the pain, but I know I will have to watch the large cyst on the right.
No conclusion this time, just a report of what happened...but I wanted to document it anyway.

dressed up medieval in NYC

2010-04-27T01:36:00.000-07:00

I certainly turned a ton of heads when walking around NYC dressed like a viking woman 900 a.d. (although people usually just call it "peasant" -_-)
New York is hard to shock, but I think this was very different from the usual crazy people.

Why would I dress like that?

Because I was going to a concert and the bands playing to have a viking/ medieval/ pagan theme to their songs..hard to sum up in a few words, but please check them out.

ELUVEITIE (gaulish folk metal):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iijKLHCQw5o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb8WGig0MLU

AMON AMARTH (viking death metal):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BXt-g4euqA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPRt6Tt6RyM

A lot of people seemed to really like my outfit. I took a video of the concert as always, which I will upload to youtube as soon as I can.
I always stand in the back because I need my space to dance and especially for headbanging, 42" of hair = 84" radius of space. People are still not exactly "safe" from me, but at least I don't have everyone standing in front of me, next to me and behind me tangled in my hair *ouch*.
I'm still having pain in my left leg and have to take Naproxen atm., since that makes me really drowsy though I just kept myself pain free with motrin during the condert, worked pretty well actually.

Anyhow, it was a lot of fun, if you like to go crazy on concerts, go all out....metal is the way to go...its epic, its powerful, its loud. There is more going on than just a little 'bootie shaking' on a Lady Gaga concert and probably not for the "prissy-only girls".

Last but not least

On the way to the concert I got "Locks of Loved" for the first time in my life. This ca.50 year old lady comes up to me:
Lady: Do you know Locks of Love?
Me: ....yeah.... (already knowing whats to follow)
Lady: Well, you should really think about it, I just donated my hair.
Me: You know they don't use any dyed hair for wigs (hers was)
Lady: Yes they do, I called them.
Me: Well I would like to keep it long anyway.
Lady: Maybe not now but in ten years..
Me: (~thinks: in 10 yrs. I will be only 37 and woul like my long hair still) .....
Me: No, thank you
Lady: (getting louder) You know...in the future, you might have cancer too!!
Me: Thanks, I had my share..
- Lady walks off...

How rude, how about she reads a little more about the organisation before judging people she does not know? How about she donates some money to cancer research? And how about being less tactless?

Links:
http://www.squidoo.com/locksoflove
http://verybigblog.com/2006/04/24/locks-of-love-is-a-scam/
http://www.paganspace.net/forum/topics/the-hairy-truth-about-locks-of?commentId=1342861%3AComment%3A6233013

If someone really wants to donate, I would certainly pick out a better organisation. If someone does not want to donate then that is their choice, there is neither a shortage on wigs, nor does this help more than you donating money so cancer patients can actually afford wigs. And keep in mind, fighting cancer takes priority....so anything donated to research and medicine goes a long way!

trim progress for may

2010-04-23T22:53:00.000-07:00

I think I have prooven my point by now :)

Within only 5mths I have made enough progress for it to look decent again. Sure, I want it to get much better still, but I will get there soon at this pace.

JAN - FEB - MAR - MAY (clickable)

Stats:

Trimmed: 1.6cm/ 0.6"
Length: 106.8cm/ 42"

Ponytail Circumference:
Before shed: 9.7cm/ 3.9"
Lowest: 7.5cm/ 2.9"
Current: 8cm/ 3.1"

In January it actually looked like I needed to trim to Bra Strap length or midback for it to look full. Now it looks pretty good until Tailbone length. Imagine I would have went for a trim! o_o
What I want to say is this - after hair loss you hairs taper/ thinness can look worse than it is. We all know how thin ends can give the illusion of thinner hair.

I know that to finally make people believe this method works I will have to show much more improvement. But be assured, I will persue this until the end!

My hair last year:

Sure, it will take time to regain all of its thickness, but once the transparency is gone it will all be good. I'm not sure how long it will take to get back to normal, but I'm positive I will get there if illness does not strike again. At the moment it seems controllable.

I'm just a bit sad that when I will visit Germany in July/August, my hair won't look like what I promised my grandmother. On her side of the family the women had very long hair, thats why I wanted to test out thigh length like her mother had. I sent my grandmother photos of the progress and she was impressed.
She does not know I'm ill, she is not doing too good herself and I don't want to stress her too much. Maybe I will just tell her it was my thyroid. She would not understand the rest anyway and only panic when she hears "tumor".

As far as other family members go, they all know I'm "special" *g*, but I doubt they will understand my decision to keep that ill thin hair long instead of shortening and regrowing. Noone else in my family has long hair btw., my sister and my cousin used to have long hair...but my cousin is overstyling and straightening hers and my sister was not able to manage her long hair and often had tangles and damage. None of them have ever come further than elbow length though.

Oh well, this will be interesting....^^

natural hair color progression...

2010-04-21T19:25:00.000-07:00

If you have not read about it - I decided to change from red henna back to my natural hair color.
http://longhairedatheart.blogspot.com/2010/02/returning-to-my-natural-hair-color.html

I have not worn it in full since I was a child and I'm exited to see what it will turn out like, color changes with age.
Surprisingly, I really have no greys at all yet. The average woman gets the first few greys in her early to mid twenties, they won't increase any time soon though and are often unseen due to most women dyeing their hair. I will not mind going grey, its just since I was dyeing for so long I want a little more time with my own color.

Anyhow, I came to grow it out by accident. When getting sick, dyeing my hair (that was falling out anyway) was my least concern. That gave me a chance to see my natural hair color, which I found so lovely I decided I did not want to dye over it again (although henna is nice, don't get me wrong).

I have not dyed my hair for 8 months now. The demarcation line is a blurry mix of burgundy-> to red-> over orange-> and yellow, which is due to the lawsome being in my system for a while even after quitting, but I can say I have roughly 15-16cm's of new growth, down to my ears.

As far as typing my exact hair color goes, I'm still not 100% sure, think I will have to wait til almost shoulders. At the moment I'm guessing dark brown N/G or darkbrown- blackbrown N/G.
Basically a very dark brown, not yet black with a neutral undertone and golden shimmer. The golden shimer is actually what baffles me most and I'm still wondering if the henna demarcation line is maybe playing tricks on me. But we will see.

I was able to take some good pictures. When my hair is up the top is all natural, but you can see the burgundy colored high bun as a contrast.

I find it a bit confusing that my hair can shimmer so light in some pics..like it can't decide wheather it wants to look light or dark ^^. My head is also not just one uniform color, I have finer hairs that are much lighter than the rest, mostly the ones around the face, my nape hair is quite light, and I seem to have hairs that shimmer golden or even slightly reddish? I'm telling you...I really need more time to type that color....I'm a genetic rainbow, sorry. Maybe that happens when you are very mixed heritage.
I'm still planning to adjust with a henndigo+amla gloss, to tone down the red. Probably next month, will see. I will use a very watered down henndigo gloss so I don't end up really dyeing my hair, maybe I should even include some cassia.

texture changes from illness

2010-04-21T15:37:00.000-07:00

Maybe the eyes are the mirror to your soul,
but the hair is the mirror to your health...

~"Hair can be considered a barometer of health because hair cells are some of the fastest growing in the body. When the body is in crisis, the hair cells can shut down to redirect energy elsewhere."
Quote: Mary Shomon

As long as we are healthy, the good looks of our hair are solely up to us. That applies for the wish of long healthy hair too, with disciplin even people that do not have killer genes can have beautiful hair at max. length.

But the sad part is that illness does not work like this and your efforts often seem hopeless. But are the really? And can something be done?
I guess I am about to find out. At this point, with some experience on illness ridden hair combined with my scientific knowledge I would say the prognosis is not all bad.
I will try to explain why in this post and start to inform about possibly working strategies.

The barometer
"The hair cells shut down", but why do they do that? First of all, they may not completely shut down but if something is wrong with your health they will do bad work. This is because hair is of least importance to the body (not to us of course) and the body rather uses the energy for more vital parts of the body. This is good and necessary but that won't cheer you up when you see you hair coming out in hands full or your former luscious mane turns into brittle straw.

"It's just hair" does NOT apply here, in both ways...vanity and health. Yes, health! Your hair (also skin and nails, but first hair) will be the one to tell you that there is something wrong with your health long before you will start having noticeable problems.
For example - as early as spring 2009 I started seeing texture changes in my hair, the new growth just seemed a bit coarser than the rest. I also noticed an increased amount of kinky weird, wiry hairs, unexplained thin spots on my head and single hairs that seemed to loose and regain their color!
Of course at one point everyone will question their sanity and you will think you may just pay too much attention to your hair. But if signs add up and they persist - do be cautious, it never hurts to get to the bottom of this.

I now think I should have reacted sooner, but at least I was not all too late to get a chance to save my hair and health. Me as a person that has hair as a "hobby" of course will notice and pin point changes more easily. I document changes in my hair, mainly because I wanted to showhow I grow long and healthy hair, but later the photos let me see other important changes as well. And I'm glad about that.

Anyhow, on photos (as well as in the mirror of course) I can see the difference and the slow and gradual changes in texture. My hair was finer and silkier in the past and you can still see that on the hair below arm pit length (APL). The longer, the silkier it gets, which is a bit weird since my ends are not only 'old' but also carry chemical dye on the very bottom.
Above APL, the hair is coarser looking (although its not actually coarser), dryer, less smooth, more fragile a bit straw like. Granted not too bad, its only a rather big change for me personally going from very smooth to coarser.
I have also found many weird kinky hairs last year, more than normal with the weirdest most uneven texture. It's like my hair bulb just "shit out" a really poorly created hair that was not meant to live.

My new growth however seems to be in better condition I hope it will keep getting better.

If you are ill and experience texture changes as well, be assured that this is not necessarily the end. You should give it some time and create a battle plan.

1. Find the culprit - this is of course the most important point. Find out whats causing this, what illness(es) you have and control them. If you have a thyroid disorder for example, being on the right medication will often better things already. If you are ill and recovering it will slowly get back to normal, also after chemo therapy..the hair needs some time to get back to a normal texture again.
2. Nurse your hair - I know its frustrating if formerly sturdy hair turns more fragile, but do take care of it just like you take care of someone ill. Support it with a great lifestyle and diet, treat it gently, strictly cut out anything damaging (yes, hair dye and styling too), anything that could be too much for it. If it is dry, give it more moisture (oils, leave ins)...etc. Of course all that won't make it like before, but better and it will give you time to get better and keep your hair while recovering.
If you were growing your hair, consider taking a break and just maintaining your hair at your current length until things get better.
3. Stay positive, easier said than done...but stress can just greatly contribute to your hairs misery and slow down healing tremendously. Remember, if something is wrong with you your body first saves energy on your hair. If your hair is not so great to look at atm, see if you can hide it in updos a bit instead of going for a cut (if a trim is absolutely necessary, of course feel free to trim as needed...just evaluate before).
Depending on your illness, your hair might never be 100% what it was, but try not to be too critical and see how you can live with it. My texture changing is not what I want, but if it stays like that I still find it okay, just not like before, but I will make the best out of it.

When things are bettering....

Keep up your good behaviour. If you have new growth after hair loss you may look very funny at first, I'm currently experiencing the "pin head", which simply means that the crown is fuller due to 1-3 inch long new hairs all over, this will be more noticeable on wavier and more volumnious hair rather than pin straight hair. The fuzzy look can be controlled with Shea butter (weights down the crown hairs volume, smoothes fuzzy hairs) and certain hair do's. Currently I like braiding and twisting my crown hair into 'shape' before doing a bun when its freshly washed.
As your hair will grow, this will turn into a "mushroom head" and then slowly but surely blend in until it is unnoticeable. I had this before when I grew out damage from chemical dye (see pic left)...it really does get better and you won't have a mullet for life.
In another post I will go into more detail about nursing of hair and remedys that work, but I hope you now now about more about how the texture of your hair can change when your ill.

discouraging women...

2010-04-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

Think your hair is not suited for being long? Your braid is not thicker than your arm? You can't see your own reflection in your hair? A prince can't climb your hair like a rope?
Ridiculous ideals like that are burned deep into our "sense of beauty" part of the brain. If that even exists, because the brain would actually be the one to tell you its not real. And while many women (and men) know that, they can't help longing for something that is praised as the ultimate beauty ideal.

As a result, the world of beauty advertisment has brainwashed you and the people around you. Looking at your own hair you must think you were just cursed with the worst hair that 'must' be styled and treated a certain way to look okay. (The funny thing is that all that styling can actually turn it into bad hair with an uneven structure)
Growing long is out of the question at this point, you are fighting too hard to keep frizz and splits, dryness and your rebelling hair texture under control. Plus, people around you seem to be the hardest critics, if your hair is not 'a certain way'...it seems it does not 'deserve' to be long - "you just don't have the hair for it", is a comment surely many have heard.

But what does that even mean? I'm wondering if some really try to imply that if your hair does not match up to Barbie, you just better stick to a fashion hair cut (or get extensions...those are supposedly 'cool', just real hair is not ...oookaaay )

Fact is, you permanently get the message that something is wrong with your hair, in one way or another. Natural hair color, hair texture or even a more simplified style need primping according to commercials and their victims. But, has anyone ever noticed that Catwalk Models often do not seem to fall in that category? Their hair is rather undone, very often natural color and they sport simplified hair cuts, often long. It is as if they wanted to say "look at me, I'm perfect naturally!" And granted, that type of "styling", simplified and pure, can draw more attention to other important features, it can make you soft, innocent and youthful...effortless. Now who is to say you can't have that?? L'oreal Hair Dye? Your Paul Mitchell Salon? Your snarky coworker?
Literally every one that is trying to alter your looks is earning money on you right? Or they are victims of the ones earning money on you (and them). Don't get me wrong, its not all bad, styling can be fun...its just you should never feel like you "have to" in order to be accepted as beautiful.

There is so much more to a good look than your hair color or cut, and like with all good things, you can "overdose" and instead of enhancing one thing or two, you will end up looking fake.

I'm really trying to make sense here, because I have spent lots of time figuring these things out. I have 15 years of experience in all different beauty things. Just like others I have altered my looks in many ways in the hopes to look my best, but in the end came to the conclusion that you have to be very careful and selective with changes, because you might end up not looking your best, o k a y...but just not best. Not everything has to be changed, and hair falls into that category, you have to be extra careful because it can change you more than a piece of clothing would.

Just like hair ads, other beauty ads are pretty much the same - unrealistic, photoshopped to death, false promises. That is something that has always bugged me, but since having studied in the science field (and not selling my soul to Pantene), I can't help but roll my eyes whenever I see a beauty commercial...I might actually end up cross eyed if the ads get any more cheesy.
They have no proof of its abilty, all they do is just throw outerworldy pretty pictures and big words at you..."fortified formula, vitamin B complex, patended bla bla bla" but just because its in the product, does not mean its actually potent enough to do jack shit (I will talk about this in more detail in a seperate post).

Is there any way to get clarity? Luckily there is, but it means being able to look at the beauty brain washing commercials from a distance. I see them as a form of art, nothing else...I even find them pretty, they just don't influence me to take them any more serious. Instead I have found much more inspiration in real women and their real hair that I have met on hair forums/ beauty forums. And of course, you will have to experiment to some degree...is it really your hair color that bothers you? Or would other changes boost your confidence too?

My strategy personally is to first create a "base" which would mean to naturally look my absolute best, without any alterations, make up, styling. That would include things like great healthy skin, healthy hair and a healthy body.
Then I see how I can work with those things, do certain things really still need change? Or are they good now that the overall appearance is at its best?
I find that really helps me a lot.

End result...
Do what you want but do it because you want it and not because you were influenced by others, and don't ever think you HAVE TO conform to anything to be pretty :)

HPV, its THIS serious

2010-04-12T15:39:00.000-07:00

The Human Papilloma Virus is one of the most dangerous, yet one of the least acknowledged/ recognized STD's. At least 80% of people have it, men and women, but most don't know it because it is mostly symptom free.
HPV can lead to cervical cancer in women and other cancers in men! Yes, men are affected by it too, even though a while back it was thought that men are only the ones transmitting it.

How do you get it?
Simple, the more people you sleep with the greater the risk of getting it. Once you have it, its still not a liscense for free whoring, you can 'feed' the virus and make it worse. If you have not slept with many people (like me) but your partner was a total slut....bad for you. If you are in a relationship where the other one cheats, they are literally killing you!
I had a manwhore as a BF before I met my husband so I suspect that I got it from him, I was diagnosed during that time.

Most importantly - it is not only transmitted by intercourse...vaginal, anal whatever. It is transmitted by "contact", meaning just getting in contact with bodily fluids from the down under region. That can even happen with a towel...

How do you get rid of it?
There is NO cure. In many cases though, the body rids itself of the HPV, in some it does not (like me) and you will have to fear the outbreak of cancer.

Treatment?
Ranges from medication over tissue removal, small surgeries over removing your whole reproductive organs over radiation theraphy and chemo. Even when treated sucessfully, it will often return.

Proper Diagnosis?
First there is the PAP test of course, if it comes back abnormal further testing will be done, often cultures and a biopsy. But get this - Women under 30 will not be properly typed!!! Simply because the health system imagines them being to young for cancer.
That is simply the greatest fucking bullshit for women like me that have had it since they were young and whose body did not clear it, instead keeps giving them trouble.
I'm so tired of Doctors treating me blindly without even having properly diagnosed me.
There is different types of HPV - for example HPV Typ 16, 18, 45 und 31(„high risk“)...and they carry different risks.

Vaccine
It came to late for me, I was a teen in the 90's. Still, if I would at least know what types I had I could get the vaccine to at least prevent myself from getting the ones I don't have.

Get tested!
That is my recommendation for everyone, get tested! Get your partners tested before you have unprotected sex with them just like you would do for AIDS. If your new partner carries a high risk Virus...well you know the risk, I would probably break up, but I guess condoms are worth a try (and avoiding bodily fluids)

groin pain again, another infection?

2010-04-02T22:40:00.000-07:00

For about 4 days now I have been having that same pain in the groin area, just between the pelvis and the thigh, that I had last summer when I had my cancer scare. The lymph nodes are swollen a bit too, its only on the left side (just like then).
Back then mutated cells and abnormal bacteria had to be treated, that was pretty much how the long road of illness started. The treatment was pretty exhausting, taking all that medication along with other treatments made me feel crappy. So I really hope I don't have to got through ALL that again and it is an easy fix.
Also, I would really like to keep my reproductive organs....I'm not sure wheather I will have children in the future, but I would like to have the option to have own offspring at least. I think I would feel very bad if I would have to live with the knowledge that I just don't "function" that way anymore.
I have an appointment at the OB-GYN on monday, in the meantime I will have to wait it out with painkillers. Its not unbearable, but uncomfortable when walking and it keeps my awake at night, there seems to be no comfortable position for this.

UPDATE 4.12.2010
The test revealed no regular STD's, therefore I will have to get a new pap test done to see how the HPV is doing.

UPDATE 4.20.2010
Still testing, no cause found yet.

my favorite hair treatment

2010-03-30T21:46:00.000-07:00

No, it is not some "salon exclusive" expensive brand (won't find those things in my bathroom ;)), it is selfmade from foods !

The Caramel Treatment:

1/4* cup coconut oil
1/4 cup safflower oil
1/4 cup shea butter
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup Apple cider vinegar
3.5** oz banana baby food
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup molasses
water to thin if you need to

Leave on for 20mons. to 2hrs.

If you like, and you know what your doing you can alter the amount of ingredients a bit. I have done this treatment several times on my hypothyroid ridden hair and it really revived it. So if you want, gice it a try it is supermoisturizing for ALL hairtypes.

* 60g
** 100g

~Photo taken November 2008, so before I got sick

re-growth!

2010-03-23T17:50:00.000-07:00

For the past 3 months I have been watching my re-growth. Even when the hair loss was still going I already saw some new hairs...that was a good sign, I was not going bald, just thinning.
But now I am really exited to see full regrowth all over! And as always I have documented it...its a bit hard to photograph, so thats why I picked that angle/ spot at the forehead...see it getting longer:

The texture is a bit weird for some hairs, but I think they need some time to be up to full health. It is more visible if my hair is freshly washed...my crown looked so fuzzy recently! I can also notice thickening in the first couple of inches growing out, it is starting to give me that mushroom head look...full rounded crown and thinner below >_<

I am having a flashback to 4 yrs. ago, back then I had regrowth after the breakage due to dye and chemicals, a little different than this but I will try and get the pics out some time. Looked like I was growing a fringe....some longhairs will remember when I posted that on the boards.

Re-Growth is also appearent on my nape hairs...check out these pics!:

I will keep an eye on it, but I think so far that is really not bad!

maybe i should tweet...

2010-03-21T00:10:00.000-07:00

So far I have avoided twitter at all cost. But an eventful day in Manhattan made me rethink...
Why? I keep seeing funny things or having unique and very funny (imo) thoughts I would like to write down. Sort of like 'a memory preserved'. My friends and family abroad could also read those notes when it happens, not just days later when I finally get to call and have half forgotten my funny thoughts..

I was in the city to get my nape piercings gems changed and buy a belated present (tax money came in!), and sometimes I just like to get out of suburbia.

So, I wrote notes on my iPhone this time...if you want let me know what you think:
3.20pm
Came across very badly dressed girls..,think juicy couture mixed with 2cute and no respect for fit, patterns or shape. To describe one girl - extremely tight spandex leo print top, to short and low cut to contain her colorful pink/blue bra, which was riding up her back and peeking out on the sides, she wore mismatched hot pants with that, flip flops and a golden/white sparkle cow flecked bag with "urban fonts" and heart lockets all over, her shoulder length hair was straightened to death, orange blond and she had splits starting at her roots(!), the make up was, you suspected it, of the pornstar kind...heavy black eyes, spider-leg-like lashes covered in layers and layers of mascara (how could she see where she was going?), and a (white girl orangey) tan that would make every Puerto Rican feel pale. Oh and mind you..it is by no means summer here^^..was around 64F. I REALLY had to try not to stare.
3.30pm
Middleaged lady on the train kept staring at my Septum Piercing, probably thinking..."that poor girl looks so nice but I pity her for that thing on her nose"...she had a pityful smile on her face.
4.40pm
iPhone helps me find the way, love google maps! Funny thing was when it calculated the distance to the piercer to be 3ft! I was standing right in front of it...thats how dependable you get, lol.
4.42pm
Okay...so there is this old, old chinese man standing in this elevator, ready to lift me up to the piercing store. That elevator was the retro metal cage type of elevator, probably from 1800something.
The man had a mole on his face and hair growing out of it! It was at least 2 inches long, like a small beard..I bet he was even proud of it..o_O

4.55pm
Okay, so I have new light blue gem stones now. Since my piercing got caught a few days ago it bled a bit. That must have totaly shocked 2 girls at a cafe. They asked me if I am hurt ;)

5.40pm
On my way back to midtown, China Town is nice but I'm getting tired of old men making gestures I don't understand, there seems to be like a whole world of sign language and sounds..one guy was tongue clicking or something ^^'.
6pm
On the train, 4 Manhattan chicks talk "rich talk" and guys they want "to do"..it was hard to ignore them. When they started snapping pictures I turned my head away. They now have a photo of my bun.
Later I could not help but notice neon pink UGG Boots, can it get any worse? I 'don't mind' UGGs on lazy days with casual cloths, but they are not chic (and way too $$$).

7pm
Walking to Times Square, don't take the train if I can walk it :) Stopped at SEPHORA on the hunt for samples. This store is just too much for me though, all those cosmetics seem to be too much for my brain to process, plus they are so very sparkly and crazy for someone used to organic stuff and basic make up items.
To my surprise another sample hunter already had attacked the sales associate, her technique was quite bad though and she left empty handed. So I had to step up my strategy: "Excuse me miss, do you carry Juice Beauty at all? I recentry tried this great product, Green Apple Peel something...but I found it was not strong enough. A friend of mine told me there was a stronger version of it?"
So the lady was like..:"yes this one..bla bla bla.." Me: "Do you still sell the smaller size though? I would not want to waste it in case it does not work." Her:" No, I'm sorry they don't make these anymore, but I could give you a sample." Me: "Could you really? That would be so nice!".
Yeah, so I have been living of samples since 2007 :-D
7.30pm
Manhattan women are often dressed well, at least usually not tasteless or tacky (or half naked)...but they kill me with those heels! Anything under 4inches seems to be a crime! The higher the better, 5inches are not rare..
How do they survive in those heels for that long? I thought I was good spending a whole day in 3.5" (thicker) heels.

8pm
Finally found the FOSSIL store, now where is my bag? A year ago my good bag was stolen and today I was getting a replacement! The people in the store were so nice too, they thought I was rich :P
I picked a classic bag, goes with everything and I do wear lots of black (the forever goth touch you know..)
8.30pm
On my way to H&M, admittedly my favorite store - Not too pricey, great unique items, great fit because they have Euro Sizes ^^ I'm a size 4 or 6 in Europe...jaja really. In the States my size is bordering "non existant".
This guy walked up to me as I was crossing the street, saying "excuse me" (well he might need directions), followed by a weird smile and a "whats goin on?, whats goin on?" I'm crossing the street, thats whats going on...
8.40pm
My arms hurt because I am carrying about 9 dresses and one cardigan. WHY do I always buy dresses!! No, actually I know why...pants don't fit me: too wide around the waist, yet too tight at the hips and again to wide at the legs...makes me wonder if I'm just a walking pair of hips. So for jeans, I wait until I can invest in a higher priced, but better fitting pair...besides, I do have plenty from my life in Germany :).
9pm
Wow, this girls cotton pants somehow manage to totally get stuck in her butt crack...I mean all the way, not just accentuate...oh and this is the 3rd time I see H&M's greatest fan there, a 6'2" chick which may be a transvestite, that loves to buy the craziest items in the store and do a catwalk show while trying on ^^. Small world.

9.05pm
I am buying a yellow dress...pale yellow~ish skin + yellow dress, I hope I can pull this off. Otherwise I may critisize my own style next time :-P
9.07pm
The cashier is really lame, I will miss my train. Especially since this spanish lady, who is buying the whole store, is also trying to exchange the whole store for it, while not speaking english...
Thats how I got to know 2 people in line and we were joking about this poor guy who did not know what he was doing. Having helped in stores myself (which student hasn't?), I knew exactly what his problem was...haha and thne he had to try and find tagless items in the computer. In the end Spiderman kept me from catching the train...no really (see pic below).
9.40pm
I decided to eat at "Au bon pain" (wtf does it mean anyway, "the good pain?"..haha.. no okay I know what it means - bread (yes I speak this much french ))
This old lady really got on my nerves, we had a window seat (4 seats). I was on the outer left, she on the outer right, me having 1/4 of the space and her 3/4. And she dared to complain when I put my good new bag in front of ME on the counter. "Are you alright??? Do you need help", she asked me in a way I have never heared...she sounded like I was mental. So I said: "Yes why?, Her: "Your bag is ALL OVER the counter..."
Me: "Are you kidding?? You have twice as much space as me!" Her:" Girl, please...please..(and she moved all the way to the corner).

9.55pm
Failed to make a Skype Call, the WiFi was locked of course...-_- Old lady complains about her soup being burnt and returned it after eating most of it.
10.30
Having spent some time on the train, sitting about 5 meters across of a guy my age that just keeps staring at me, he was a tough cookie and I was trying to hide behind the person in front of me.
A girl makes her BF aware of my hair that I had taken down and started to comb.

Wow...look at all that info, is that twitter worthy? Well, I can say one thing...that busy day really made me forgot all the recent problems for a while. ;-)

Anyhow, if I will tweet I shall link to it in my side bar.

My only problem would be: Twitter does not have enough lines for me XD...

my little pills

2010-03-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

They are far smaller than my (pituitary) tumor, yet they are supposed to solve most of my problems.

Name - "Cabergoline"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabergoline
Mainly they are thought to lower my prolactin levels, which in return can regulate:

-hair loss
-thyroid
-other hormonal issues

And, if I'm really lucky it will shrink my tumor :) It does come with various side effects, mostly the ones you would experience during a stomac flu. For me it was only nausea and fatique/ drowsiness for the first 2 weeks. I am taking 0.5mg doses half a tablet twice a week, that is low...but you usually start off as low as possible and later increase if necessary.

I did notice bettering on the following things:

- Hair Loss, it lessened about 1 mth after starting the meds and stopped after 1 1/2 mths.
- Hypo-Thyroid symptoms like dry skin, dry hair, more prone to damage hair - almost gone.
- Fatique - much less tired, more energy lately.
- Acne - my skin is close to normal atm, although at first it seems the meds caused a break out.
- Menses - my cycle was rather long and heavy (although regular), but the last 2 were lighter and shorter (28 days), no cramps thats how it is for me normally ~"I'm bleeding? My, I would have never noticed!" :-P

I should note I am also not taking phytoestrogens anymore. My Doctor said I should try to go off re-fem and let the meds do their work. And I'm not drinking too much because meds and beer..well it makes me feel a little drugged ^^.

And that was my very short, first report about this.

moon phases and hair

2010-03-16T18:40:00.000-07:00

First of all - I believe in science and that is why my view on all sort of lunar wisdom is 'sceptical'.

However, I do understand and believe that certain occurings in nature, and that includes the moon, DO have effects on us humans. Just the power of these effects is debatable..we know the moon can make you sleep badly, but can it fix your hair??

Here is what I think:
Our body's cycle responds to the moon much like the sea responds with tide and flood or the earth responds to it. Hair is also on a cycle, for example the growth cycle - it is known that on some days your hair can have a growth spurt, while on others it may be a bit slower. If you measure monthly it should still be the same amount, but you may find that by mid month..you have not yet grown half of your average amount.. or the opposite, more.
So thats where I can see trimming at a certain time being beneficial. If your hair is having a growth spurt it can get uneven easily, trimming at that certain time will take care of that asap and help you grow more even.
Those are just speculations, because really noone has ever explained scientifically how the moon affects hair, but I am working on providing a more realistic look on this method than your average "moon witch" ;)

What does the moon calendar say about hair?

~"Hair is only to be cut on Leo-Days.
If this happens during the waning moon (reducing) the hair will grow back more even.
If this happens during the waxing moon (gaining) the hair will grow faster.
Full Moon Days are also good.
Over time hair will be more at balance, the hair texture betters and hair loss is reduced when following that method." *

Comment:
As far as "more even" and "faster" growth goes, I would say that you could just be working with the bodys cycle trimming on those specific days.
A full moon day could be the perfect balance of both.
And the last sentence could be explained by faster, more even growing hair giving the impression of overall bettering, plus..I do believe it is a smart approach to keep the balance by going with your bodys cycle, which can be affected by the moon.

I have been trimming according to the moon since january and will further observe of course.
Upcoming lunar days for hair are*:

Mar. 2010
25, 26 - Trim
27, 28 - Care

Apr. 2010
22, 23 - Trim
24, 25 - Care

May 2010
19, 20 - Trim
21, 22 - Care

* all according to Helga Föger - Live with the moon, CET (Central European Time)

even hemline without loosing length

2010-03-11T22:48:00.000-08:00

So, many have been shocked about the progress I have made in the past 3 months when it comes to my post shed hair, it looks much less thinned out. I'm not surprised, and I will explain to you why.
But first you need to understand a few things about hair and how it grows.

1. As hair grows long, it tapers...which means simply that it thins out as it gains length. Depending on a persons genes that thinning out is more or less noticeable. Everyone has a certain amount of taper.

Now before everyone freaks out and starts examining their hair - taper is not necessarily a bad thing, the word "thinning" just makes us think of balding old men...but it is not that kind of thinning.

Taper is caused by the hairs you shed and how long your Anagen (growth) Phase is. Many hairs on your head live until shoulder length, but around Midback it will already be less hair that has grown this far.
This quick skech shows what I mean:

Both women have equally thick hair, it is only that the woman on the left has next to no taper, whereas the girl on the right has an considerable amount of taper.
Depending on how thick and heavy your hair is, it can be good to have some taper as it takes away some weight and a certain "drag".
But as we all know, noone wants to have so much taper that their ends dissappear, so I guess we can say that both extremes are not something you would want, but inbetween is all good depending on the look you are going for.

2. Layers are artificial, created taper, meant to make the hair fall differently, take some weight off, give some lift around the face or simply to create a different style. There is different types of layers but most commonly the front hair is shortened and the layers get longer further down the lengths. In some styles a "top layer" is cut, and most recently fashion has been thinning out hair with a razor to create a more natural tapered look (popular in Asia).
But - you may not like your layers, they have many fans but also many haters. I don't think you can generalize, it really depends on the person and what they want their hair to look like. But know this - layers can make it harder for you to grow out your hair since natural taper will be added to your already layered, thinned out hair. I used to have a ton of layers and I grew them out.

My technique: was to trim off the monthly growth while maintaining at Tailbone length. Within only a half year my hair looked plenty different!

Left: That was my layered cut, already somewhat grown out but still very layered. Center: This is what the same cut looked like after having grown my hair without any trims. Right: That is the result after only a half year of monthly trims.

How does this work?

You have to keep in mind that when you trim, you don't simply only snip off 1/4 inch, your hair also grows down from on top. More even thickness grows down, while you trim at the bottom and in the end the thickness will meet in the middle.

That is also way more productive than just "cutting 8 inches" like most people would suggest, since you don't have to battle uneven growth and the shedding rate as much, you are in fact taking care of it monthly....not after 4 months. Take a look at the next skech, it shows heavily layered hair and the response to monthly trimming.

There will be sucess for everyone, but how fast can vary depending on your growth rate. My hair does grow very fast, that is probably the only unusual thing about it...so I will see results sooner. But the average monthly growth is 1cm/0.4" which will also make a big difference in a few months.

What can fail you is if you are not healthy and your hair not growing at a normal pace and shedding rate. And - you need to have a base to start...meaning "3 hairs" is not enough of a base and your shedding rate will beat you to it. You will have to try and see...but my current base is/was very thin, so you don't have to start with a pronounced hemline.

While growing out layers your hair should thicken up soon, but to be all one length it can take much longer, especially when you are going to keep growing (my layers are TB length+).

If you are only growing out taper:

There will also be sucess, but a bit less since nothing was taken from you, no hair loss or layering occured (or you have grown it out for the most part).The thickening up will be much more gradual. See my 6 month progress made in 2008 with less layers:

August 2008 vs. February 2009

Just a little extra advice: Don't give the layers all the blame, they do make your hair thinner, but keep in mind that a part will always be natural taper, you expectations will be more realistic that way.

Dyed Hair - If you dye your hair chances are it tapers more because of the dye and breakage caused by it, so you can also trim dyed hair and see how the virgin hair will taper more gradually and slowly.

Taper and thin ends are showing the end is near right?

Nope, against popular belief that is rarely the case, neither does it mean your hair is damaged. You can have the worst taper on the healthiest hair. What is true is that if you hair tapers at a shorter length you can not expect floor length, but you can still push it very far. Its like you get a warning years and years before it happens. My ends have been "thinner" since I can remember growing my hair....but the thickness does consistently travel down...years ago midback used to look thin and a few years later it was only thin around butt length, and so on. That is a lot of simply uneven growth too. What will happen is actually that the taper "stretches out" , if you would be looking at a braid you would see that maybe the thickest part at the nape, measuring 3inches from nape to shoulder, will measure 3inches from neck to Bra Strap Length in the future.

Ends are almost always somewhat tapered...even someone with a thick braid will see that the bottom 3 inches are just a considerable amount thinner than the section above. That is perfectly normal.

3. Hair loss can leave your hair looking different than layers, in some ways easier and in some ways harder to treat. Easier because you will get "full regrowth" (assuming you are healthy), so if you lost 30% you will get a lot of thickness back very soon because you are supposed to have that much on your head, it fills in again.

Plus, if you had even hair...it will look even (although thinner) as soon as it gets to the point where its not transparent anymore. It may even look almost normal to others, only you will feel and your braid will show that you are still missing some thickness, it will follow.

But it can also be tough because it is a irregular kind of taper that can leave your hair looking quite wispy for a while. It can also leave your hair looking weirdly shaped, mine tapered in a reverse U-shape with the outer corners longer and thicker than the rest....(*it looked like a 2 prong fork...wtf.? Why couldn't it be a nice V-shape at least?*) But even that is fixable and as you can see much less obvious after a couple of trims.

This looks a bit like my situation, the transparency/ wispiness is very hard to draw but if anything it will show more the straighter the hair. You can see I have marked section 1., 2. and 3. Whenever your hair tapers, it will have certain "turning points" (Ger.: Knackpunkt), here the hair is thick until point 1. - Bra Strap Length, until point 2. - Waist Length it is a bit on the thinner side and you could probably see through it a little. And below that to point 3. - Butt Length, it is just completely whispy.

But after [x]months it will look more like on the right, the thickness will have traveled down below BSL while you were trimming off the thin ends.

What is nice about is that you will get a lot of satisfaction when you feel the bettering! The same way you felt that your hair was getting lighter when loosing thickness, you will feel the gain every time you deal with your hair, and that is just very uplifting!

4. Chop. That would be most peoples first reaction after hair loss, to cut the hair off. It "solves" the problem quickly and without much effort....or does it?

What for example if it has taken you a long time and much effort to get to a certain length, or you are not sure wheather you will have the power to just grow back, maybe you are still very attached to your hair and feel that letting go so much length would be more of a shock than awful taper...and what about all the hairdos you used to enjoy and that are not possible at shorter lengths?

People are very different and I think there should be an option for everyone, not just the chop. Especially since - if you do like to keep your hair long, you WILL have cutters remorse...its not like you felt the need for a change.

But, there is yet another problem with "chop 'n grow", your hair will grow back...but it will grow back with some taper UNLESS you will be trimming your heart out on the way down and take your sweet time...

When maintaining you will get no more than 1 month of uneveness, that you take care of every month. This way you really max. out your thickness while keeping an even, trimmed looking hemline.

Not to say a chop will make it all horrible, your hair will most likely grow back more even, but with the second method YOU are actually shaping it into what you want it to be, the whole time.

I understand that it does take more patience to maintain and trim. But as someone who has grown her/his hair to a very long length you will naturally have some patience ;)

Aaaand: I always say ~ "It never hurts to try.."

Noone can force you to stick with the trims if you are not happy with it, but maybe try and see how the maintaining goes before you go for the chop. I know I would have done it that way, and now that I see bettering I will stick with the trims.

Last but not least - I find it to be a challenge to proof my method right once again, hoping that it will continue to help people in the future when dealing with the same question. Another good reason for me to stay strong :)

This was just a very small and brief insight into hair and taper....so you can expect me to explain a few more things next time.

PS: Excuse the diminishing quality of the skeches, I got impatient on the chop and braid one -_-

hair january - march 2010

2010-03-03T19:16:00.000-08:00

January - February - March

~monthly trim progress~

In January I could have basically cut my hair to midback the way it looked. But you see with just a little patience it now looks more like hip is "the spot". It would have taken me much much longer to grow from midback to hip, then to thicken up midback to hip. That is something most people don't understand about hair...

I have also believed in my "trim, don't cut" method for growing hair long...I have tested it for many years and it is the best way to "max. out" your potential. If you want to grow very long, but your hair tapers easily, this is the way to grow!

I will explain the phenomenon in another post, but now...lets talk about the changes my hair has been through. I have been trimming my approximate growth rate monthly +/- a few mm. My last 2 trims were done according to the moon phases at the end of the month. So the march picture is actually very late february.

January

That was the month when that "line" was crossed ...my hair got very see through, almost "dissappeared". As you can see it weirdly tapers in a reverse U, not the usual V or U people get when they shed. That is a sign of very rapid changes. The ends were flyaway and easily got stuck on clothing...they would not really "hang" anymore. This picture was taken after a 1.5cm/ 0.6" trim.

My shedding rate was lowered due to phytoestrogen intake (re-fem, beer)

February

After a 2cm/ 0.8" trim, I saw a wee bit of change. Also notice the thickness growing down past Midback in now a natural V/U shape, the way hair normally grows, and that is a sign for the shed having stopped enough to allow thickness to travel down.

My shedding rate kept decreasing.

March

Another 2cm/0.8" trim, and I must have really hit a spot...a hemline is "starting to form" again. The thickness grew down even more. My thyroid ridden ends seemed to regain their health, over the past few months I had hypothyroid symptoms like "dry, brittle hair"...not so much breakage, but lots of splits for me. S&D took care of a great deal too (my skin also seems much less dry)

So, these are just 3 months, but I think I have really shown a good start already. I want to see on myself for how extreme cases this method can work...and what makes it work.

i still wear it down...

2010-03-01T21:33:00.000-08:00

~ why I won't let go...

Lately I have been getting a lot of suggestions to cut my hair...I'm not surprised, I also thought about shortening it and regrowing once this is over. But something has kept me from it so far. I can't explain it in a few sentences...of course I know my hair is dreadfully thin at the bottom right now, not too healthy and that me seeing my hair thin more and more can cause emotional stress....which it did....

In December when it started looking worse I was devastated. Looking back at the picture I posted then...I don't find it as bad any more, it is worse now but there is still a lot of hair left that is not transparent, and I think to myself "better than nothing".

I don't feel like it would "solve" my problems in any way if I would just go ahead and cut my hair to midback for the sake of "thick ends".
I'm not in the situation where it is just a cosmetic problem anymore...even if I cut it, my shed will still be there, my sickness will still be there and unless that is taken care of I will not find peace, no matter what hair style I chose.

As of right now, I am enjoying that very long hair I still have...if I put it over my shoulder in a long ponytail the thin ends are barely noticeable and I feel normal, if I braid it and the tassel ends where it always ends I feel normal, if I wear a bun I feel like always...
What I want to say is that shortening it a great deal would only leave me in shock and having to adjust to something more drastic than slowly thinning hair. I would also not be able to wear many of my hairstyles anymore....and those, right now give me the freedom to hide it when I need to.

Like I said, I am still wearing it down...once a week, for my husband, or when I go out, or even to a concert...where it usually needs to deal with headbanging ('dancing' with long hair is THIS much fun)
I'm sure people notice how thin it is, but I don't really care. I have more important things to deal with.

Enjoying the moment is not a bad thing if you don't know what is to come, and like I have learned...life can change completely from one day to another.

pituitary tumor and pineal gland cyst

2010-02-25T18:33:00.000-08:00

Today I got my results from the MRI, it was unexpected and expected...like..I was thinking that nost likely I don't have one but at the same time felt it was not surprising if that makes sense.

Pretty much the first thing my Doctor said was "you have a small tumor, about 0.6mm's".
I also have a cyst, both are located at the brain, one at the front towards the nose, the other at the base of the scull.

My report says:

- pituitary adenoma
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pituitary_adenoma

"-Pituitary adenomas are tumors that occur in the pituitary gland, and account for about 10% of intracranial neoplasms."

- pineal gland cyst
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pineal_gland_cyst

"-A pineal gland cyst is a benign cyst in the pineal gland, a small endocrine gland in the brain."

In 30% of the cases the tumor (or the cyst) can shrink, even dissapear on meds for the prolactinoma. In 70% it stays the same and they need life long medication. In a few cases, surgery is needed.
As far as I understand it this is not the bad kind of tumor, but I will double check it.

I also had my eyes photographed since both can affect eyesight (and other things)

My eyes seem fine but I was referred to an Ophthalmologist to get a visual field done.

Thyroid will be left untreated for the following reasons:

- prolactin pills may better it

- currently my levels are not so great but the thyroid is still working good on its own, the antibodies may be high because of the tumor and prolactin and drop soon, the same can happen for the TSH.

Treating me now would only confuse my body further and cause me more ups and downs until the right dose is found. It would take needed work from my thyroid and the Dr. is trying to keep it working on it own. He stated that tests indicate there have been ups and downs, which might explain minor hair loss problems I had in 2008 (see my blog here)

I don't feel too bad, not happy about the result but it seems treatable. Just can't stop touching my head and imagining the tumor atm o_O. above: part of my eye...

MRI stress

2010-02-24T18:17:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago I had an MRI done to check for tumors in the brain or pituitary gland. I really hope I don't have any and it seems unlikely but my Doctor wants to be sure.

It was a hassle getting the appoinment since the Doctors office did not seem to be able to give me the authorization code. So I sheduled the closest appointment possible to get that done before my follow up at the endocrinologist.

I was asked about having any metal in my body...."umh..yeah..like 13 piercings" was my answer. The lady at the phone said I would have to take all of them out or it would "rip me apart". (wtf.?)

I guess she meant that it will rip out the piercings which I have been able to google using the keywords "mri piercing". There was a ton of horror stories, not very realistic sounding, thats when I checked safe piercing.org, which said proper piercing jewelry won't be attracted to the magnet.
I got some help to get my cartilage piercings out, the studs would not open. So in the end I appeared to the appointment with only the nape and the septum piercing. Both were allowed to stay in, titanium was no problem at all, did not even blurr or affect the picture in any way!

I was not too happy about going into that tunnel, had it done 10 years ago after a horse riding accident. My MRI was done with contrast and they injected something into my venes that made me feel lightheaded.
My husband took me to Panera Bread after, I floated to the counter to make an order. The lady was very unfriendly, I guess I was also a bit too quiet for her taste but thats no reason to walk all over me.
My husband always says, now that I live in NY I need to be a bitch just like the people here, I would rather stay a nice person to be honest. But I find myself mocking unfriendly people like that sometimes. The said woman got the most ecstatic "thank you" and the brightest effing smile I had available...her face was priceless.

It sucks when your sick and the world is just one big asshole. At least the following days were nice.

the rise and fall of a braid

2010-02-24T17:14:00.000-08:00

I have always been taking pictures of my braid to see certain changes related to taper. As you know I started off with breakage, that I got from monthly full length chemical dye applications over a period of 9 years.
Luckily I stopped before too much hair had broken off, but that + layers made me suspect that my braid will look different when all grows out. So I began watching it and it happened exactly as I thought. My braid got thicker at the base, and then the thickness grew down...with some natural taper of course, but it seemed like the taper was more evenly spread out over the whole braid the more length and new hair I grew.

You can see it very nicely on this collage.
When the shed struck I did not mind the changes too much..but after December I panicked a bit. I assumed that my shed would stop in October (it lessened then) but it didn't, the amount even increased again (postpartum kicked in). I think around January I had the most massive changes, I could post a picture every week and see worsening, look how close together the last 3 braids are:

The picture from early february shows my braid is thinner than at the beginning of my growth journey. Especially the part past BSL is pretty thinned out.

Don't laugh, but I don't mind my braid too much. The last picture is certainly not my ideal but keep in mind it still measures 7,5cm at the nape...that is a wee bit above average, it does taper fast though and I would be happier with something like 8.'09 or 10.'09. My pre shed 2009 braid was bit too bulky for my taste ( I see it like that now, before I did not think about it much and not really wear a braid often), I'm a slender girl and my braid was a bit heavy, difficult during sports (other styles too)...and most importantly ...when my hair was down I had this huge curtain I could spread out on top and then thinner ends at the bottom. Thats why I am always aiming for evening out.

As you can see, the fall is much quicker than the rise...so I don't know when I can show improvement on my braid (and I can never guarantee that there WILL be improvement), but I will try to continue documenting just like always.

returning to my natural hair color...

2010-02-22T19:52:00.000-08:00

This is such a big deal to me, believe it or not.

When I was young, I grew to "mildly dislike" my hair color for no appearent reason. There was just always something that kept me from wearing my natural hair color, which did not seem "ugly" to me...just not as spectacular.
I might have idolized something I am not, listened too much to others and experimented without thinking about the consequences, only to find out I am too weak to correct the mistake.
In the end I am left with very long unevenly colored hair and regret. True, I have gotten myself out of the dilemma gracefully, almost unnoticed...but it was a long road to recovery.

A brief history:

- My hair was a bit lighter as a kid, although medium-darkbrown in winter, it easily bleached to anything from a medium brown to a very, very light brown. My mother "helped" that process by putting lemon juice in my hair in summer. I did like that color, most of my friends were blond or had relatively light brown hair (think German girls without a box of dye ;)), my sister and cousins had light hair also..I was darker then them, but never too much.
The older I got the darker my hair got though, it was also very straight and long. As a young teen I was the "ugly girl" in school, don't ask me why...I can't answer it...but I felt a bit like I needed a change to get out of that. And what is easier than using a friends sun in spray? :D
Aside from that, my mother..who also dyed her hair (auburn) got me inspired and I wanted that auburn glow too, my mother really liked it, my friends too and I stuck with it.
Whenever I made an attempt to go back to natural I failed, dark brown box dye turned out black (!!), mismatched color at the salon and very obvious roots after that kept me from really going back.

How did I come to use red Henna?

First of all, I love Henna...I really do. There is more to it than just color. The rich history, the benefits for the hair, the fact that its so natural and a translucent color (lets your own color shine through)...
Red Henna helped me growing out the black chemical dye since it made the difference between my natural dark brown and the dye look less obvious under all that red. It evened it out if you will. By late 2008 I even looked pretty much one color. With Henna I was able to grow my dye out to waist length, and I felt good because I knew I was not going lighter or darker and could easily color back to brown.
So I can't say my time with henna was a bad thing. People also really love that color...I got comments on it all the time, sometimes I was even asked if it was natural..which really surprised me because every woman would see its not natural. I did not match my complexion, brows, type...I was a obvious brunette. That made me feel a bit like I was being something I am not...

How did I decide to go back to brown?

When I got sick in summer I had other things in mind than coloring my hair, when I saw my roots I found that I actually liked them and did not need the feel to rush dyeing my roots, more time passed and by Christmas I had so much roots that I could see my natural color next to my face...and I really liked it (for several reasons I will name later). After starting a sourvey, "henna vs. natural" with lots of comparison pictures, I decided to give the natural color another chance.
My last henna applications were also rather unsatisfying and the color turned out orange or coppery instead of burgundy. And although my hair shimmered pretty light red in some light, henna does not lighten hair, it is just the gleam light gives you.

Result of the survey:

Natural Color: ca. 69 votes
Henna Red: ca. 19 Votes

Pro Henna Voices:

K. said:
"- I think it brings out your skin tone and delicate features.

- It brings out your eyes amazingly. Now, the reason why they're mentioned less often likely is because when your hair is red, you look more Caucasian. (In my humble opinion) With natural hair, you look more Asian. Thus, green eyes on a more Asian person is like "OMIGOD how did you get those?" but green eyes on a white-ish person is still very eye-catching and beautiful, but more expected.
- Your natural hair makes you look paler - it might be what you prefer, but I find the red makes you look more healthy and tan."

P.M. said:
"-You look good both ways but the red is more "striking beauty" to me."

May '09, May '09, May '08, June '09

Pro Natural Voices:

W. said:
"-I really like your natural color. I also like to wear berry tones with purple, and other colors like light blue or pink. I think they look better with my natural brown color too. Sometimes I find myself choosing clothing based on my hair color now."

S. said:
"-Wow, your natural hair color! I like the rich browns of it - it really complements your skin!
The bright henna looked too light for your skin, but I can see how it would be fun to wear."

M.said:
"-The henna looks good, but I agree that it seems to bring out the yellow tones in your skin. You look more striking with your natural colour."

Y. said:
"-I would suggest growing out your natural color, even though your current hair color is very beautiful. I am also part Asian and have dark brown hair, although I do not have your beautiful pale skin -- when I was younger, I did dark red commercial dyes, but now I prefer my natural hair color.

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like many Asian women I know want to get away from the "typical" black hair, so they dye it red or bleach it or so on."

V. said:
"-I'm a big fan of natural. You've got a really pretty natural haircolor!"

Nov. '09, Feb. '07, Jan. '10, Oct. '87

Reasons for going natural

- It flatters my skin tone as well as my eyebrows more. My brows are very cool toned (probably more than my hair), during henna days I used an auburn pencil on them (and they were thinner). My skin color is really light if untanned, I do avoid a tan for many reasons (sun ages skin by 90%, uneven skin tone, possible sun flecks) but I also like myself paler best, the rose color on my cheeks and lips is more visible, the eyes and all features pop more if my skin is its natural light color. Henna tends to make my skin a bit more yellowish and almost sallow.

- Fashion, some colors are really hard to wear with dyed red hair...and I do love all pink and rose hues. I'm also a cool season (most likely winter or maybe a dark summer) and the red I get from henna is too warm.

- Age, I am lucky not to have any grey hairs yet which do appear on many women in their 20'ies. We just never notice because many women dye. I want some more time with my natural color before I go grey. I can always dye later. Also, if I do decide to go grey gracefully at a certain age, being natural will make it much easier, no harsh demarcation line (I want to be grey but when I feel I have the face and age for it)

- Natural, I'm a pro natural girl...and while I like putting make up sometimes or getting dressed up when I feel like it, I always want to have that "naturally pretty" look, I don't want to look like I altered myself too much in the sake of beauty. "Waking up pretty" really makes you feel good about yourself. And while many women can look striking with dyed hair, for many natural is a good choice...it matches your whole self, your skin tone, eyes...and this way it really softens your look.

Picture of my roots:

Adjustment:

The henna red is not as strong as it was last summer, it always fades on me to some degree, it is still pretty damn red in the sun though. I'm planning to apply an henndigo/ amla mix to my lengths to tone the red down. If you don't know what that is : Henna + Indigo = warm brown + Amla = cool brown. Depending on how much indigo you use the hair will get darker. I will start with a light mix maybe 50/50 or 50/60 since I don't want it darker, just cooler (Henna can NOT lighten hair)

Right now I am just waiting for my hair loss to stop completely before I adjust the color. I think March would be a good time.

hypothyroidism symptoms

2010-02-13T23:27:00.000-08:00

I have been reading a lot about my condition, and it shocked me to see how many symptoms actually match. Some symptoms were totally not true so I left them out, others I answered with "no".

■Less stamina than others
Yes, often..
■Less energy than others
Yes, often..not always
■Long recovery period after any activity
Yes
■Chronic Low Grade Depression
Yes, very lowgrade
■Often feeling cold
Oh yeah..but only inside
■Cold hands and feet
My nickname is "vampire
■High or rising cholesterol
Dunno, but my mom has it, will get that checked.
■Bizarre and Debilitating reaction to exercise
Not really but it seems harder than in the past.
■Dry Hair
Not really dry, but it feels dryer than before
■Hair Loss
Thats the reason this blog exists
■Dry cracking skin
My skin got dryer, not too bad though
■Nodding off easily
hehe, yes..
■Requires naps in the afternoon
Sometimes
■Sleep Apnea (which can also be associated with low cortisol)
Well I sometimes don't need to breath, I thought I was an undead..:P
■Air Hunger (feeling like you can’t get enough air)
Not sure..
■Inability to concentrate or read long periods of time
Yes, and lately its been harder for me reading a book :(
■Forgetfulness
OMFG YES YES YES
■Foggy thinking
Yes, I wondered why that was..I'm not doing drugs you know..
■Inability to lose weight
teehee..NO, its the opposite
■Always gaining weight
try 'never'
■Inability to function in a relationship with anyone
Duh! With all those symptoms, which relationship would not be troubled?
■NO sex drive
Lets hope that won't happen
■Failure to ovulate and/or constant bleeding (see Rainbow’s story)
No, and rainbows don't ovulate where I come from..<_<
■Moody periods
They are very much on time
■PMS
Aren't those normal for most women? I never had any.
■Excruciating pain during period
No
■Nausea
I get nauseas easily
■Exhaustion in every dimension–physical, mental, spiritual, emotional
Yes, yes and yes...
■Inability to work full-time
I would imagine it very hard the way I feel momentarily (currently part time)
■Complete lack of motivation
Depends
■Slowing to a snail’s pace when walking up slight grade
What does that mean?
■Extremely crabby, irritable, intolerant of others
No, I'm nice.
■Lactose Intolerance
Last thing I need...lets hope it never happens
■Inability to eat in the mornings
Nah...just takes me a moment.
■Carpal tunnel symptoms
Always
■No Appetite
Appetite is always there.
■Blood Pressure problems
Sometimes its high..
■Varicose Veins
A few very fine ones on my leg, I get them removed yearly.
■Low body temperature
Yes, like I said..they call me vampire, but it was always lower.
■Tightness in throat; sore throat
Often tightness yes, thought it was my former tonsil problems.
■Headaches and Migraines
No
■Extreme hunger, especially at nighttime
I like to eat at night, but I guess its more a preference.

With all those symptoms I wonder if medical treatment would be the better option for me...like I mentioned before, I will see more doctors about it.
I have to say, that most symptoms worsened since the pregnancy termination or even made their first appearance after, which makes me think even more that it might be postnatal hypothyroidism.

will i ever get back to this?

2010-02-04T22:54:00.000-08:00

I just found this amazing photo of my hair...taken September 3rd, 2009. My hair had barely thinned out then..I did not even care about that bit.
I can almost not believe that this was really my hair! And you know what the worst part is? I was not 100% satisfied with it...I always wanted my ends more even, which eventually they would have gotten more even,...once you stop growing hair evens up. But I should not have stressed as much about my ends, I had days when I did not enjoy wearing my hair down.
Like I pointed out before, when we grow our hair very long we often loose a realistic perception on hair.
I see it in many "fans of long hair" too, it is like a competition for some, with the motto "more is better".

Anyhow, I think that is a great length on me, maybe a bit more too..but around there is what I would consider my goal length. Sadly, I don't even have a guarantee that my hair will get back to its old self...my thyroid sickness could be permanently reducing my potential. That is what bothers me most, not that I have to take time to grow it back to its old self,..the question on wheather I will get back to my favorite length again is what stresses me.

In a way I am my idol at the moment, which is funny because I have always searched for an idol...a woman with a similar hair type, color and texture that has longer, more even hair than me. And I have just never quite found my idol twin.
The closest were probably a few Asian straight haired ladies, but still there was just something different about my hair and I could not see my realistic future looking at their hair.

I will take pictures in this outfit regulary now, and at least post a yearly comparison to the pictures taken then (was a bunch, all angles)..and hopefully one day I will find my hair to look the same again...

worst so far was...

2010-02-01T19:21:00.000-08:00

Just after Christmas my shedding increased from 140 to 230 hairs a day. The picture I took early january was not up to date after only 15 days, in mid January I have probably taken the most horrid pictures of my hair.

It was weird to see for the that it looked like more than half of it had disappeared, I kept taking pictures hoping for a better outcome, but all of them were bad in some way.

I tried spreading out my hair less for the photos, but it did not help much, and honestly..its not really a solution, trying to keep the hair from spreading out, that is what it naturally does.

I looked into the mirror, hoping I would see my hair in its old state, but I did not see what I was used to.

(109cm) This was the worst picture taken, I had my ends oiled because they were really thin and flyaway. Normally oiling my ends does not make things look worse, but I guess it did here since the difference of the thickness - top / bottom, is just so significant. I have lost mostly long hairs it seems.

I was later assured that it does not look as drastic IRL though and I felt a bit relieved. But imagine the horror that day when pictures and video turned out like this..:(

A more accurate freshly washed picture:

(109cm) Its still thin to about BSL or midback length but it tapers more gradually. I still decided to shorten it a bit though, I trimmed 3 times in January all together. Most trimming I have ever done to my long hair.

Around mid January, I also discovered the effects of beer and re-fem...and that was when my hair stopped worsening I feel. I do shed a little bit more than normal, but that gives me hope soon to be back to normal.

Now here is a picture after the 2nd small trim:

(107 cm) This was taken January 28th. My hair is exactly classic length here. I don't feel too bad about shortening a little bit, it makes the tapered half look "shorter". Since I slowed down the loss, I have the weird feeling that a tiny bit of thickness grew down, the hair on my crown feels fuller and when I twist my hair into a bun I feel more density closer to my head if that makes sense.

It is absolutely crazy how strongly one can feel the slightest changes in hairs thickness...I don't think I am imagining it, but we will see in 2 months.

first results

2010-01-29T17:51:00.000-08:00

The results from my bloodwork are back!

Turned out I was somewhat right. There is in fact a hormonal problem due to the pregnancy, but there is also something else that may not have affected me yet, but surely will if left untreated.

1. My prolactin levels are very high
Prolactin is produced in pregnant women so they eventually will be able to nurse the baby. Since I am not pregnant anymore those levels should have dropped long time ago. In some cases they stay raised for longer or may not drop by themselves at all. I don't have any symptoms of high prolactin though - no discharge from the breasts, they are not even ever swollen, my period is on time and heavy.
Other reasons could he hypotthyroidism (underactive thyroid) or a tumor in the pituitar gland. Most of these are benign though.
It can cause hair loss in women.

Doctors Fix: Tablets to lower those levels, I have to take 1/2 of "cabergoline" twice every two weeks. I hope it is just temporary but some people have to stay on these meds for live. I will also have to get an MRI to make sure I have no tumors.

My thoughts: I assume it was raised due to the pregnancy, so that gives me good chances for it to be temporary. I'm a bit wary to take those meds because my body just started to get better on its own, but I guess since the levels are very high it is wise to take the tablets.

2. Hypothyroidism - Hashimoto Thyroiditis
That is an underactive thyroid, which is known to cause weight gain in people. Again I don't have any of the symptoms, aside from fatique maybe. It can cause hair loss as well as dry and brittle hair.
My results show that my thyroid still works well, but there seem to have been ups and downs. While lookin at my thyroid the doctor noted that it looks like a "sponge" or "swiss cheese", meaning it's already been eaten away and has holes.
At the moment the doctor wants to monitor the tyroid only and treat the prolactin first.

My TSH is also high and actually demands treatment according to the new system (borderline cases are also treated since 2003 in Germany).

My thoughts: If you have a tendency for thyroid conditions a pregnancy can really kill your thyroid. I believe that the pregnancy worsened it on me. 5 years ago my thyroid was fine, I believe there was even another test that came out good, I just don't remember who took it. I think it is good that the doctor treats the prolactin first, since thyroid and prolactin are connected and betterin one can have and effect on the other.

My results:

(click for large size)

Last but not least, my phytoestrogen strategy helped because the prolactin messes with hormones. Intuition is a good thing.

I was hoping for a better result, an easier fix...but I will see what I can do about that.

beer and re-fem

2010-01-29T00:34:00.000-08:00

I have sort of good news I think. I have figured out a way to slow down my hair loss by about half.

My main suspicion has always been the hormone levels, which I think just crashed after quitting the pill, they skyrocked when pregnant, crashed again after terminantion.
Women do get a full blown postpartum shed, not matter if they were pregnant for 9mths, or 1 mth. And since my hair loss got bad after the failed pregnancy, I really feel like it is the culprit.

As you know, the pill might have helped me balancing out the hormone levels, but I have named the risks like androgenetic alopecia, cervical cancer and skin problems that the pill carries.

While seeking help on a Long Hair Forum, one member reported she had gone through the same and was able to stop it with a herbal supplement. It later turned out it was menopause support, combined with herbs.
So I decided to give it a try, after taking 1 pill, I felt like the next day I shed less (I wear my hair in a bun all day and only comb out and count morning and evening)

I did not continue taking it because someone on the forums als mentioned it might be bad for the thyroid in case something is wrong with it. My shedding was high as usual when I went out to a concert.
The next morning when I combed out my hair I lost next to nothing!

I thought back of what I had done to make this happen, I am taking vitamins...but no change was made. I then remembered that I had a beer - Heineken, the regular one.
So at home I started reading about beer, I know there are plant estrogens in there, and I was wondering if these could actually help.

I don't drink beer often, especially since moving to the US I have come across a lot of beers I did not like, but I digged under the kitchen sink to find a leftover box of coors light. The taste was okay, but it is just a really light beer. I drank a half bottle only since that is the healthy limit.

The next day I in fact shed less, not back to normal but it was no more than 140 hairs (instead of 200), my normal ranges from 30-45 hairs it is very low.
I then also went back on the menopause supplement because I thought if the phytoestrogens in beer help this well, this must be the bomb! The supplement alone helped, but I later found out that by combining it with beer it even helped better, I was down to ca. 100 hairs.

I have also been testing supplements for this hair loss recently and have found these to decrease it by 20 hairs on average: Multivitamin, Hair Skin & Nails Multi, MSN, Fish Oil.
I used to take a ton of hair vitamins seperate but the hair multi contains enough of all.

End result is, I have been loosing about 80 hairs daily. Although normal for some people, my body was genetically designed for less shedding which helped some hairs grow pretty long. I say the same thing when people are surprised the shed "only" made my lengths thin and that the top is still good. My head was designed for more hair, so it will feel like I am missing something to me. Also the top was really thick, I used to forget that sometimes because my hair was so straight and not fluffy, but it was a lot of hair and now its about an average amount, a tiny bit more.

I have taken the opportunity to test a few beers
- Heinenken - taste: good, effect: good
- Becks Pilsener - taste: good, effect: good
- Coors Light - taste: okay, effect: okay
- Amstel - taste: not so great, effect: okay
- Toasted Lager - taste -weird, like soda, effect: low

I'm about to test Bud Light because I am running out of Becks. I like the fact that Becks brews according to the 1516 Reinheitsgebot.
I'd much rather go alcohol free though, although beer goes down like water and even a few bottles don't show any effects, I don't feel to good about drinking alcohol daily (luckily I don't have to drive). It is hard to get good beer though..I'd rather have some imports from europe or organic beer, it is horrible what some brewers put in their beer.

why I quit the pill

2010-01-27T19:44:00.000-08:00

It was a tough choice honestly. I have been on the pill since I was 20, that makes roughly 7 yrs.

To be on the pill means sexual freedom, its perfect for long term relationships.
But it comes with many sides effects, the first brand I tried was "Yasmin", as a side effect I immediately had little veins showing up on my legs, very fine, thin and small..but nothing nice in summer.
I switched to Belara and the veines stopped increasing.
In Summer I suddenly noticed I was getting freckles...I do get a few freckles normally, but only after two weeks of Spain and beach or so..so I was suprised to see them in cold Germany ;)
I liked them though and did not think much of it, after summer they disappeared as usual. My hair did not seem affected by the pill...but for some the pill helps hair & skin all together.
It did help my skin, it was 100% clear when I started.
Years go by, the veines slightly increased and I got them removed yearly, the procedure was quite painful and not so effective. The doctor injected a solution into the veines to make them dissappear. Since they were so tiny it did not work on some of them.
My freckles were increasing yearly, every summer I would get a bit more and bigger freckles. Still not problem for me, I really like freckles. But I thought it was weird and decided to wear a higher sun screen (sun screen is not so big in Germany, especially not a few years ago), I switched from SPF8 to SPF15.
While my husband was deployed to Iraq I went off the pill for a year without a problem, my hair shed for about a month...but not too bad, and my skin worsened a bit. A half year before he returned I went back on it to make sure I will be my old self again. I was hoping my skin would better again but it did not this time (I bettered my skin another way, will write about that another time)

When moving to New York, I noticed the sun was stronger...so I switched to SPF30 and SPF20 for the body. But veines and freckles kept increasing, as well as teeny tiny new moles, mostly around my shoulders. In the 3 summers spent in NY so far my freckles doubled in number and size. By August, some of them looked like "blotches".

I know enough about skin and hormones to suspect my birth control pill. I had that thought for years but never dared giving it up. But aside from my skin I was also fearing for my hair, years and years on female hormones can really mess with the body. It can get so used to being fed estrogen and progesterin that it will stop producing it itself, which then leads to a rise in androgene levels and that leads to androgenetic alopecia.

But I also knew that quitting the pill after such a long time will bring me a huge shed and endanger what I had achieved over the years.
My 3rd worry was the fact that the pill can trigger cells to mutate, which would raise my cervical cancer risk.
After much consideration and looking into alternative birth control methods I decided to take the plunge. My hair had thickened up quite a bit over the past years with better care and I could afford to loose some.
The pill shed did not seem too bad, granted it was hard to tell with all those unexpected illnesses coming at me but I feel like it had already stopped before I was started on the antibiotics

I can not be 100% sure though, and I often think about going back on the pill...mainly because it might help my hair loss, but what if it does not? Then I have just messed up my body all over again.

After 1 month off the pill, in August, my freckles got a lot smaller, it was like the clusters just broke up. By mid-september, they were almost gone. By november I noticed that most of my legs veines had disappeared, I only have few very faint ones left...
My (facial)skin has had more blemishes than normally since quitting, but it is getting better every cycle and I'm almost clear. I have always been very critical when it comes to my skin, so I guess it looks good atm, but I am hoping to get the porcellain skin back ;P.

My only problem now is birth control, I'm too young for an IUD and most other methods are either a bit unsecure or they contain hormones :(

What women have to endure sometimes...

my hair and care

2010-01-26T01:31:00.000-08:00

Name: Emi

Age: Born in 1982

Height: 165cm/ 5'5”

Hair type: Eurasian

Hair color***: dark brown - blackbrown NG (neutral, gold)

Dye: I used red henna only until summer 09', atm I'm growing out my natural color and will soon adjust the lengths with a henndigo gloss that will neutralize the red, then stay natural.

Monthly growth: 1,7cm/ 0.7" (very fast*)

Texture: 1a – very straight

Thickness: M – Medium thick strands of hair (0.06-0.07mm)

Overall Volume: ii/ iii – medium to thick (ca.10cm, 3.9")/ now ii - medium (7,5cm/ 3")

Friction: 1 – very low, hair is very slippery

Stiffness: 4 – higher, hair has a good flexibility and holds itself away from the scalp fairly well considering the length

Cohesion: 1-2 – low, hair gets stringy fast

Goal Length:

Well it used to be BSL but it keeps changing....I am at Classic Length now but trimming and not growing much. I want to even up my hemline more before I may consider to add more length. / edit: since the hair loss I have not grown my hair and I won't until my hair looks better again.

Hair Care Regimen:

Tools:

- Wide toothed beech wood comb for detangling.

- Fine toothed boxwood comb for combing and styling.

- Boar Bristle Brush (Normal Hair), all natural by Kent UK for scalp

- Professional hair scissors for removing split ends and trims.

Products:

- **“Earthly Delight” herbal shampoo and conditioner (Sulfate and Silicone free, organic)

- Ooshima Tsubaki Hair Oil, Coconut Oil

Wash Routine (10 - 15 mins.):

- Shampoo scalp only, in the shower.

- Apply conditioner to ends (last 10-15cm) or condition from neck down (depends on oaccasion)

- Rinse out with lukewarm water (sometimes cold water)and wrap in towel

- Towel dry for 10-15min.

- Carefully detangle with wide toothed comb

- Air dry

- Detangle dry hair with wide toothed comb, then comb with fine toothed comb and then occasionally brush with boar bristle brush.

Other:

- Baking soda – to remove buildup (rare, once a month max.)

- ACV (Apple Cider vinegar) Rinse – to neutralize PH and smoothen hair cuticle (for hair down days)

- Beer Rinse – once in a while

I never:

- Blow dry or style in any way

- Use a regular brush ( and rarely use the BBB)

- Use chemical hair dye

- Use non- organic products ( and always check the inci for every product)

- Use hair spray or gel

But I used to:

- Dye my hair (Until Aug.'06), Sun In Spray in early teens and after that chem. dye for 9 years, applied monthly to whole length ._. (o m g)

- Brush around 20 times a day (Until Mar.'06)

- Wear ponytails or hair down all the time (Until Mar.'06)

- Wash Daily (Until Nov.'07)

Hair Accessories:

- Hair Sticks, preferably smooth coated wood (hair is too slippery after wash tho)

- Hair Forks & Combs

- Barrettes (rarely)

- Ficcare Clips (quit using them)

- Claw Clips (often)

- Seamless cloth hair bands

- Hair circlets (often)

Note: My hair has been getting more and more slippery and certain updos are very hard to do for me even with classic length hair <_<, sticks often slide right out. I think it gets more like that simply because my buns consist of more and more virgin hair now.

Hairstyles:

70% Up– dos: Buns, Rolls, Twists

10% Half- ups: Pony tail, braid etc.

20% Down

I wear a different hair style every day. I love trying out vintage hair styles like Victorian, Edwardian, Renaissance, Medieval etc.There’s a big variety of up- dos I can do. Recently I had to cut down on barette ponytail hairstyles because they seem to give me frizz under the clip. At home I usually wear a bun with a 4 prong hair comb.

Sleeping:

I wear my hair in a lazy wrap bun on the top of my head, held by a small, 2 prong hairfork. I used to hold it with claw clips but with more length and less taper that got more difficult. I may just need the right clip but thats hard to find (lost my best one)

A day/ a week/ a month:

In the morning - take bun down and comb out hair. Create hair do of choice (3-15mins.), I usually match the hair jewelry and style of the hairdo to the outfit I am wearing that day and accessorize.
When I get home I sometimes loosen up the hairdo and do a simple bun (depends how good in shape my do is), sometimes I chill with my hair down a bit.
Before going to bed I comb out my yhair again and then comb it up head down to do my high bun for sleeping.
During the week I may use shea butter to help a style hold better, or my selfmade green tea & aloe hairspritz which has many functions, it smells pleasant (etheral oils), damp hair is easier to style, aloe locks in moisture, green tea is an antioxidant. Once a week - every 4 weeks I cut split ends while sitting at the window and watching TV to make it more enjoyable. Starting day 3 or 4 after a wash I usually oil my lengths, sometimes the ends only, sometimes from the shoulders down, rarely full oilings. Oiling my scalp is not necessary, I wash only once a week and it is very balanced..meaning it produces just enough oil to keep scalp and hair healthy.
Once a week I also massage my scalp with a fine toothed comb or my boar bristle brush.
I measure the length of my hair monthly and the trim accordingly, the past year I trimmed around 0.4-0,7 " (1 - 1,7cm) a month. If I trim only 0.4" my hair still grows a tiny bit, which is how I got from lower butt to below classic length within the last year, while still evening up the bottom.

* average growth rate is 1cm/ 0.4" , 2cm/ 0.8" is considered to be about the max., and ca. 0.5cm/ 0.2" the min. Storys about hair growing multiple inches are false reports.
** Buy Earthly Delight at Willner.com or call your whole foods store.
*** Black Brown is a true brown shade, its the darkest brown with a brown base color, but it can look almost black in certain light. I'm one hue above that...little darker than the normal dark chocolate brown.
Black brown is often confused with brownblack, which is a black shade with brown shimmer and tones, but the base color is rather black. ;)

cervical cancer

2010-01-25T20:28:00.000-08:00

Read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cervical_cancer

(Beware - TMI)

I want to make it clear I did not have cancer yet, but during my tests abnormal cells and an infection were found that raised concerns. My treatment was supposed to get rid of all cells, to prevent them from mutating or anything worsening into actual cancer.

The HPV Virus raises the risk for cervical cancer, most women have it and most men carry it without knowing. The more sexual partners someone has had, the higher the risk since there is different types of bacteria that can form one big problem.

I got it just before I met my husband actually, from my boyfriend. I was always someone who had long term, serious relationships, never a fling or anything like that. But I later had to find out my boyfriend was a total whore, sleeping with other women left an right. I left him without even talking to him or giving him a reason, he did certainly not deserve my grief.

During that time I experienced my first problem, a change in body fluids...my OB-GYN did not know what to do about it though. It bettered and I was not so worried anymore.

Later, I was already married, I had my first PAP test done. I came up a PAP3, which is not bad but also not good, further testing was needed. The Doctor believed I have had it for a while, and the named timeframe made me remember the weird changes I had experienced then.
My treatment then was very quick, and further monitoring showed that everything was okay.

5 years later, in 2009:
It started with abdominal pain and cramps, suddenly I did not have my period anymore...according to my doctor that was normal after many years on the pill though. I know many women would love not to have their period anymore, men think its gross...but I just don't feel right without it, its unnatural. Besides, my period has never bothered me the slightest bit, I mean why should it? It's just blood!
The problems continued, I know had trouble walking due to a strong pain in the crease between my leg and pelvic area. At first I thought I hurt a tendon, then I thought of a cyst....my OB-GYN suggested a pap test, she said the cervix looked very bothered (inflamed).
To be able to function at work I took some ibuprofen which surprisingly helped immediately with the pain and took care of at least the pain in the crease.
As you know, the results of my pap test were not good this time, the doctor did not want to tell me the number, just that it was higher than a III and they wanted to start me on strong antibiotics immediatelt after removing some tissue.

I don't know what I hated more - having to take 6 AB's a day, or the pain that tissue removal gave me..it is the weirdest pain on the very inside. I was holding my hands on my stomach constantly as if that would make it better. All those drugs got me so fuzzy, I had to lay down all the time. I had already quit my job, but even just doing normal work at home seemed like so much.
I also had one preventive radiation treatment, which gave me horrible nose bleeds..every day for 2 weeks.
After a couple of months I was found to be okay, my tests came up good.
But - I have to go back every quarter year...I'm due to go now, but really scared of more bad news.
I think this is what they call a cancer scare. It sucked going through all of it, but I knew I was not gonna die right now. Maybe later at midage...who knows. But now I am certainly on top of the whole thing and all treatment options available, hopefully science will surprise me with better treatments years from now :).

I lost some hair due to that, but by the end it did not seem to drastic, so I was not complaining.

It was stressful though, especially since my husband was not dealing with the situation well. He refused to talk about it and tried to ignore it. I'm not sure what went on in his head, it was probably too much for him.

why youtube videos?

2010-01-25T01:18:00.000-08:00

I never meant to do youtube videos. The audience there is often impolite, rude, overly critical or even perverted.

Not a nice combination when you just want to make videos that entertain or help people.

"Ist noch kein Meister vom Himmel gefallen" (Masters don't just drop from heaven), everyone has to start somewhere.

But an incident on my own Long Hair Forum quickly changed my mind.

I had caught a member there photoshopping the hair photos she constributed to my site and forum, to be more impressive. I had met her in real life just a few months ago, and I did not feel right when I saw those "pimped" photos. Especially her braid was an indicator for the fake...at a growth rate of 1cm/ 0.4" a month, braids don't double in thickness within a half year! I tried to approach her privately, but she would not admit anything. After a couple of failed approaches I told 6 trusted members about my thoughts, to decide how we could get her to come clean. True - I could have just sent her away, but she was a beloved member and I was hoping for a good outcome.

I wrote her a long letter in which I explained that we will forgive her in case she was just very self conscious, and maybe that is why she photoshopped her hair (styles) to extreme sizes. But it came completely different, instead of writing with me privately she completely flipped out and threw a tantrum on the boards, blaming me, talking bad about me...it was horrible.

I told her to calm down, I was shocked about this ugly side of hers, but instead of taking a day or two to think, she just kept herassing me and other members with emails, bad mouthing me when writing to the others, and insulting me in the worst and most ridiculous ways in her emails to me.

She said a ton of things some too ugly and complicated to repeat..but basically she meant that I was just jealous of her hair, that probably everything on me is fake anyway and my hair would not really look as good as on the pictures.

So that is why - I made my first hair video outdoors! To prove..my hair looks at least as good as on the photos, actually even a bit nicer on video because I never before noticed how nicely it moved, silky, bouncy, slippery, shiney and healthy (yes, I do miss what I had then...).

I did not want her hair type or anything, the only thing I ever wanted was to have my layers, dye and taper grown out, and I was very close.

After a ton more insults I decided it is best if she leaves the forums, after all that she just seemed like a very bad person. No good person would say and do such things, especially the insults and later threats against me. I have high values, if you don't match these, then you are not made to be in my forum, on my website. I know its wishful thinking, but I refuse surrounding myself with asses.

Anyhow, I had that video up on youtube, and it was not as bad as I thought aside from a stupid remark here and there (I delete nasty comments).

Not much later I started getting sick and I knew that all this could threaten my hair. So I made more hair videos, since in the worst case szenario I would loose my long hair.

Uploading videos is very convenient and you have a ton of options, and own profile...so I thought why not add to my website and community by showing how to do certain hairstyles.

Making videos is a lot of fun, and I just love adding music to them. I'm sorry if my musical taste ever bothers anyone, but I just *need* the music in there.

So yeah, I guess you could say I kept making videos to document what I have (had) in case its gone in the future. That would also give me something to aspire too. And really, now that I have lost a lot of hair I look at those pictures and videos as an inspiration.

I even got more creative when it comes to videos with long hair. A couple I have not posted yet, but this one is a very clever hair video. Most people don't see it as such and think it is just some bad music video, but actually it shows the struggle against my sickness and hair loss.

My hair is shown in many sequences, just not constantly, more subtle. It starts off sunny - I got sick in summer...and at first, the outlook was not too bad. I was a bit "lost", but not too worried. You can see the girl in the video is also calmer while trying to find the way out of the forest. But something keeps her in that forest/ misery...just like something just brought me incredibly bad luck the 2nd half of 2009.

I was struggling with my sickness and the hair loss more and more, while she is struggling to find the way. Suffering is also depicted in the video to the point of a break down, during which she looks back at the past. I also had a point where my hair was coming out in handfuls and looking back at what I had was painful. It can feel like you never get there again. But I guess you can say that part is not all negative since we also see her headbanging (rebel)..so there is a chance she fights back. But in the end the outcome is unsure...wheather the girl gave up, or she got back up.

That is basically the point I am at right now.

i was a hairstylist..

2010-01-24T02:30:00.000-08:00

There was a time when I wanted to do costume make up and styling at theaters. It was not my most favorite job, but when you are young you are very undecided about jobs.

To work at this kind of job you need schooling, which is expensive. The inexpensive way was to start working as a hairstylist (don't ask me why).

I worked at 2 salons, the first one was only supposed to be seasonal training. The lady that owned the salon was very strict, but I tried to follow all her demands, so she would give me the chance to learn something.

Soon I was able to style, color and do perms. Working with hair was not as great as I thought it would be, chatting with people all the time is certainly not for the introverted. Also I did not like "damaging" hair, sometimes I had to dye peoples hair that already felt like straw and to cover up damage the silicone laden Paul Mitchell conditioners were used.
What bothered me most is that they tried to change me, my boss was this 35yr old very busty, hoochy looking vamp and in her opinion I needed all that fake stuff too. I had to dress like a 70ies Disco Girl and later she wanted me to dye my eyelashes, I refused...saying that they were already black, what else could you do to them? When she suggested very very short bangs and some very short cut for me I also refused (had below shoulder length hair then)...I think that already pissed her off a great deal.
Once I brought my younger sister to work (then 13) to use her as a model. My boss wanted to demonstrate blow drying and styling hair for volume. My sister did not really want that but my boss kept her in the chair, forcefully starting to style her hair. She was being very rough and my sister was saying that it hurts, she almost started crying. So I got into an arguement with my boss asking why the hell she would treat my sister like that if she wouldn't treat her customers like that.
And from then on things just went down, I did not even want to get my hair cut and dyed at that salon and stuck with my old salon back home. After a little while I got really sick, it's a bit TMI but I was close to a kidney infection and in much pain. She would not give me a day of or go to the Doctor...just kept saying that I was a pussy. I had to leave that place, I told her that I will go to the Doctor and she started a fight downstairs in the kitchen, grabbing me by the arm (with her claw like nails) and pulling me into her office...I left that salon with her screaming bad things after me...it was really crazy.

I quickly found a job at another salon. The owner was a 36 year old guy that was 'living the life". He was wuite okay actually, the only weird thing was him dating very young women all the time. I was 19, and his dates were barely older. I was kinda, sort of trying to grow my hair then, it was about shoulder blade length, slightly layered, with some bangs. The other stylists had long wavy hair at waist and hip length...so I thought I was in good hands.
I did not really get to do anything at that salon aside from washing hair, cleaning and giving creepy guys manicures. The salon was also selling a make up line and I was told to wear a lot of make up at work (which I did not want to do, especially that fat brown foundation paste..yuck! I'm a powder puff..thats all ;)
The boss brought his girl friend to the job one day, I liked her and she had hip length red hair. The first time she came I was told to give her a spliss cut, which is just cutting off the split ends. Her boyfriend, my boss wanted her hair shorter though...and the next visit she gave in :(
My coworkers always criticized my hair style too, which was weird since they had not hair style..just one length and very wispy curled bangs. My bangs were too 60's supposedly...but hello! Those are back in style..not the early 90's bangs.
Anyway, they ended up using me as a model, my hair was shortened (shoulder) and they said I should grow out my bangs. When I told them I actually wanted to grow my hair they just laughed and said that its too fine to be long...but I guess their desert dry frizzy waves were cool to be grown long.

You see it was not meant to be and after a year I gave up on that profession, just nothing was worth it. I went to business school to settle for a career path that earns me enough money to live well.

why long hair?

2010-01-22T20:59:00.000-08:00

There is enough people out there that truely do not seem to understand why one would grow their hair very long. It is definetly not what society tells you to do.

The long hair era ended some time in the early 1900's, that is when the flapper fashion made the bob big, the traditional long hair was seen as old fashioned. Soin the time of my grandmother, cookie cutter hairtyles were en vogue. These made women looks as far from natural as possible. And although "long~ish" hair came back after many years, it was not quite the same and there were many alterations to keep it from looking to much like back in the day.

Nowadays long hair only is cool if the wearer got some expensive extensions, don't ask me why...it seems "effortless" and "quick changes" are just the thing these days. But if you grew out your natural hair, without having much done to it, you get easily labeled as arkward.

This among other things keeps women (and men of course), from growing their hair out. They care about what others think so much, that they can not even make the decision for themselves. Yes, I want to say we are all brain washed into liking the same things.
But remember a time when your mind was free and you admired whatever you admired? For me that was early childhood. Most young girls naturally admire really long hair, princess hair. Often mothers forbid their children to have their hair long.."too much work", and if your mother did not mess with your mind, puberty and the teenage urge for change and coolness will.
Not to say everyone wants their hair very long, but I know of many that desire very long hair...though would never even dare to try.
Once you are an all grown woman, you probably never got to experience very long hair or only remember it from your childhood and proudly tell people how long it was if you get a chance. Women usually examine each others hair thoroughly, you will get comments on color, cut, length. But that also means that they can comment in a not so pleasant way...about your roots, your grown out cut...does your hair look lank today?
This is how so many women fall into a styling trap and "bad hair days" are blamed for not being satisfied. Many hope a new color or cut can be the way out of this problem, but in the end you will only have damaged your hair to the point that you won't be able to have it look good without styling fluid and blowdryer. Yes, hair can look good without any styling.
If you are at that point, would you dream about crazy lengths? Probably not..but what would it be like if you gave it a try? In most cases it will grow a little, friends might urge you to get a trim and say the ends look "ragged", you might experience much trouble with damage because although you are growing..the past damage you have done will get back at you, so in the end many just give up.

The reason I tell you all this is because I wanted to show you what I have also been through. I grew up like most girls, and commenting about my hair must have been like a sport to my classmates and later coworkers. I was close to thinking I have the hair genes of Gollum.
Now I know, that really...most of these people insulting my hair were not honest and were merely trying to manipulate me into thinking I have bad hair. Probably so they feel better themselves, but thats besides the point.

Anyhow, I explained in my first post how I came to have long hair. Once you clear your mind (maybe come across honest not media influenced people) you will be ready for the challenge. And I think that part of me grew long hair out of spite!

The funny thing was, the longer it got the more people were silenced, especially if the hair is in a good condition, you will have people wonder how you do it. I had an easy start, I dyed...but aside from that I did not harm my hair much more, washed a bit too much, brushed too much, but until waist that did not hinder me. Waist length is certainly a milestone, length wise and damage wise. No matter how prone you are to damage, your hair will start getting more delicate at a certain length. And - needless to say, once you pass waist your hair will be considered really long and critique will be given more often.
I had to decide what to do at that length, keep it kinda long? New cut? Shorten? Growing longer did not cross my mind at first, waist length was where I failed last time. But sometimes it takes a bit of inspiration, which I got after googleing for long hair styles, that was when I found the said Longhair Forum and people with all hair types having the same goal.

I really put my heart into it, tried to take care of my hair in the best possible way. Long hair really is effortless, but getting there, being patient, learning so many new things and then sticking to that routine...- that is just so much...
It is quite enjoyable too though, after a few difficulties you will very soon find a good routine and see improvement, and that is just so uplifting. If people think a hair cut can be life changing...try this! It is so much more, you are doing something good for yourself, you are not being lazy, you are making the best out of yourself, naturally. That is something to be proud of.
Once you pass tailbone length you enter serious weirdness territory, but by that time you will not really care anymore. You will have fallen in love with all that silky hair, it smells nice, it feels nice, it looks special and you can do updos that make people go "omg how did you do this!?". You will feel like a fairytale princess when your hair blows in the wind, moves with every step and turn you take. It really does underline looks.

"Letting go" might have been something that could have been easy in the past, but not anymore after all this effort and love you put into a project like this and on top of that you are happy with the outcome.
I know some people grow their hair just to learn they are annoyed by it, but not me...I feel like I formed a strong bond with something I truly enjoy.
A pity, since like I said there is a million things that can cross your plans, just like that.

After saying all that I can say the second reason I grew my hair long is because I wanted more "beauty", extraordinary beauty, not ordinary. I never really liked what most people like. A shorter cut can be cute..but thats it, it wont give me any more.
Since I was saying that my interests are different from most - the things that I do like, are harmonic with the hair style I wear: The middleages, art, metal, all things natural, fantasy, simplicity, mystic things, fashion, my whole life just fits my hair, which would mean the main reason I am growing my hair, the headline, is because I am adjusting my hair to the person I am. I am an artist in every possible way, altering everything around me to fit my ideal fantasy world and life (not just my hair, you should see me decorating my home). Life is not the way I wanted it to be? No problem, I can make it more enjoyable, the same way I can grow my fantasy hair.

So I don't look like Gollum but my hair is "precious" to me. Although I hope I never get this koo koo that I will sit in a dark cave, petting my hair and saying "my precious..." ^^

* Pictures of my childhood long hair heroines
Queen Millennia 新竹取物語1000年女王Niko from 'Galaxy Rangers'
Lady Amalthea from 'the last unicorn

seeking help..

2010-01-22T01:09:00.000-08:00

I have to admit I probably ignored the hair loss for too long. I was just so sure it would be something temporary. Also I did not notice much of a difference in the beginning, my hair started feeling lighter and when I made a bun or ponytail, I felt like I was gathering less hair...but I was not sure wheather it was really much of a difference, or just my fear making things seem worse.

My ends thinned a bit, which was no surprise because they were never thick and they had *just* gotten to the point where I considered them "semi blunt", which was the look I was aiming for btw.
But the taper seemed to increase, no matter how nicely I combed my ends, no matter what angle or setting I used for a photo.
I told my husband, but he thought I was crazy and said I was not loosing my hair, its all in my head.
But loosing 150-200 hairs a day was definetly not normal for me, my average is around 30 a day (yes I have always been crazy enough to count)

I tried to ignore it and wore my hair in a bun a lot...
A month passed, it was just before New Years and time for me to take a new hair picture for my website (every 2-3mths) and the progress. I was at 110cm/ 43.1", which is just upper thigh length on me. However, when I took down my hair, and combed my ends I noticed again how much thinner they felt. The picture then really shocked me...my hair only looked dense until waist, the rest seemed transparent. I could not believe it and took more pictures, even a video...

I again thought I must be imagining things. But it was true, and so I immedietely seeked help on a Long Hair Forum. Upon receiving lots of good advice I sheduled appointments with Doctors.

<-I trimmed back to classic length because of the thinness

When my husband asked me why I want to see a Doctor I told him that my hair really IS falling out more than it should. He still did not want to believe it, I showed him my hair and warned him that if I don't take care of this asap I might have to shorten my hair quite a bit. But his response was that I am crazy and that I would make the whole situation worse if I trim it (because he thinks no trim will be needed and that I can save it otherwise).

Metabolical tests rock! ->

The first Doctor, an endocrinologist, seemed quite knowledgeable and said he wanted to test me for everything possible. What I have gone through is the best "recipe" for loosing hair he said. When he took my blood he could not help noticing my thin arms. "Not eating right" can cause hair loss. Since he did not believe me I was eating well I had a metabolical test done. In the end I sat in front of a puzzled doctor, looking at my test, not able to understand how someone can eat this much, and burn even more. Yes, my metabolism is freakingly fast, I have it on paper now. And I shall carry this document wherever I go, because I have not met 1 person that believed I was eating a lot. Which I think is weird, because many really thin people are in fact naturally thin and don't starve themselves....the more you know..

After, I saw a dermatologist...who honestly, does not deserve my insurances money. He did "face diagnosis", meaning without even closer examining me he said : "yeah its thin, but that must be the hormones, nothing I can do, try some rogain."

What a complete asshole...

Anyhow, I am -still- awaiting the results from the first test.
My guesses would be:

1. Hormone levels crashed after pregnancy termination - most likely
2. Hormone levels confused due to year long hormonal birth control
3. thyroid acting up
4. Lack of certain nutrients due to stress and prolonged illness
5. Fructose Malabsorption finally gets to me, although thats unlikely

I strongly suspect 1., simply due to the fact that after quitting birth control in July, by late August my shed already seemed to have stopped. 4. Is not so likely since I lost hair only -right after- each treatment at the OB-GYN (cancer scare, remember?).

Next Doctor I will try -> Naturologist, Trichologist.

I did not notice my hair disappearing because it was so straight, makes me realize how much hair I had...it is just that my straight hairtype, low friction, low cohesion...never looked like a huge amount of hair.
I know I should have listened to my feelings, the hair getting lighter, the buns getting smaller.

before the hair loss

2010-01-17T22:11:00.000-08:00

So, what was my hair like before the shed? Before youtube? What was the best I have achieved?

Length: 110cm/ 43" (upper thigh)
Ponytail : 10cm/ 4"
Layers out: to Tailbone length
Dye out: to waist length (top henna only)
Damage: freaking low..a few splits if you go search. That was it.
Taper: reduced drastically

Sadly I was never able to achieve my maximum potential. But what I had at about 50-60%, I was already pretty happy with. When I started growing my hair had a lot of taper, due to layers and dyeing my hair. But without ever shortening my hair, I was able to grow out the taper solely with regular small trims.
Normally people will tell you that if your hair tapers, it is the end or you need to cut. Well, thats just not true. Most people are able to even up their thickness with patience (I will write more about taper in the future)

Even at that great state, sometimes people (on the net only actually) still told me my hair would be too thin, too this and that, scraggly whatever. Yes, there is crazy people in this world with weird perceptions and clishees. But I did not care because I knew better, I knew a 4" ponytail was far from thin and that healthy silky ends are not scraggly.
I guess some people don't understand that not very blunt ends and very straight hair does not equal thin...
My hair sure lacks other things...like friction and therefore volume, but yeah definetly not thin (a thin ponytail is below 5cm/ 2")

Long Story Short - I would be very happy if one day my hair will look like that again. I'm happy with what nature gave me and I make the best out of it, I don't plan to look like my barbie doll.

my hair January 2010

2010-01-16T19:22:00.000-08:00

August '09 - January '10

I started shedding in July but at first my hair seemed almost unanffected. I was thinking it was just a temporary thing and would stop soon, I have never had a problem with sheds really. Since the middle of december the bottom has been looking very thin though. At the moment it is actually a bit more tapered than in the picture you see above.

Right now I am awaiting my test results from the endocrinologist. I'm also planning to see a naturopathic doctor, but I have to see if that is okay with my insurance. Like I mentioned, most likely it is my hormones and most likely things will get back to normal. But hormonal imbalances can last pretty long, and I don't have enough hair to wait much longer.

For now my plan is waiting out the shed and trim all my growth monthly, which might already help a tiny bit. Once it is over I will get to the trimming. I certainly will not chop it off, not even it if it only "3 hairs" left. I will go inch by inch, and stop after each inch...wear it for a little bit and then decide if more needs to be trimmed. I will stop when I have found the best compromise for thickness and length. Luckily I never desired thick, blunt ends...a little taper is lovely on me, just not complete transparency.

If I would only have to shorten it to butt length it would be unbelievably fantastic, tailbone length is still good also, waist bareable, anything above hard to deal with...shorter than bra strap length would feel like a bob to me. I know the worst case szenario could mean actually short hair, truely short, in that case you have to keep me from hanging myself ;)

the beginning of the end...

2010-01-10T21:24:00.000-08:00

So here I am, looking back at the past 7 years of my hair growth journey. I am not at best health, although probably recovering, and my hair is falling. It has been shedding since summer, so far it has only cost me thickness but soon it will cost me length...I hope not more.
It is very frustrating to see my hair go, I feel it when I comb it, when I make a bun or braid it, when I wear it down. Looking at my lengths in the mirror, they have gotten "transparent"...it is like they are just going to dissappear. Imagine you had hair below your buttocks one day, and just a few months later is dissappears like it has never been there.

The past 7 years have certainly been a "revolution" for me. I know when you see someone with very long hair you must imagine they have had it like that all their life. You would not imagine that the very same person might have a fashionably short haired past, or you might even think that for some people long hair is just granted..it grows like weed to any length and never breaks or gets damaged. I have definetly heard many "myths" on long hair.

Well, I was not one of those people. I do not have any super genes that bless me with long hair. I know there is people out there, they are often quite famous for their amazing hair. But yeah...I am pretty much there with every average woman, and still I was able to grow healthy hair to an amazing length.

My short haired past

I had short hair as a child, my mother was not one of those mothers trying to turn her daughter into a princess. She was a tough 80'ies business woman with her hair usually around chin length and styled fashionably. I admired my mother, I thought she was the prettiest woman alive (like all little girls I think), yet I did not wannt to imitate her looks. Instead I have always dreamed of the medieval princess type....long flowing hair and a long gown. That was what I considered beautiful ever since I can remember.

My own hair was kept shoulder length, I asked to grow it long..but because I was a wild child who was always outside playing in the woods, getting dirty, climbing trees and buildings (!) it was often tangled and messy, like dirty spaghetti. I acted as if I had wonderful hair though....hard to describe, I think I was vain about it.
When I grew up to be a teenager, nothing could hold me back anymore from growing my hair. Best I knew was to avoid the salon my mother sent me too and instead buy comic books from that money, read for an hour and then come home and pretend I had a haircut. Sometimes she would say that it does not look shorter, but she soon gave up.
But it was not like I imagined...it grew long, but my waist length hair was damaged due to mistakes I had made when growing it. The worst sin was probably bleaching my dark brown hair to a coppery color.
It did not look ragged really, but a bit dry, had splits and tangled easily.
My 90'ies haired classmates used to bother me about my hair, many girls made frequent comments about it, how it is too stringy, thin and that they would cut it off if they catch me after school. They bullied me in general about the way I looked. I never understood why they needed to bother me just to tell me I look so ugly...why the effort?

Anyway, I did not give in to damage or bullies then and tried to save my long hair. I was able to get it into a better state of health at Midback - Bra Strap Length. My bullies were out of my life (lets just say I took care of them) and I was considered to very pretty all of a sudden. People wanted to know me, but already then I had made my decision, I did not want to know the kind of people that treated me bad. To this day I despite shallow people, and many other character flaws.

I cut my hair shorter on my 16th birthday, shoulder length...and I maintained it short for a while. I was experimenting with different cuts and color a bit (never shorter than a long bob though) and did not really think of having long hair again. The people around me confirmed what I have always been told...that I should not wear my hair long, that I don't have the type of hair to wear it long, that is would be too fine, thin, fragile to whatever...I think every possible fine hair clishee was poured out over me.
And I came to believe it.

It then so happened...when I was 19, that I "accidentally" grew my hair a bit after I broke up with my boyfriend. I just did not go to the salon for a couple of months..I was really busy with other things. I would say my hair was a good deal below shoulder length. It looked good actually. But in the name of fashion I wanted to try a layered long bob style. I had seen it in a japanese fashion magazine, those are always fashion foward and the new technique of layering and thinning hair with a razor was something I liked. I was also back together with that boyfriend, he was always more fond of fashionably layered japanese fashion hair styles, he was japanese and I always felt like he tried to make me more japanese, he even liked me to wear brown contact lenses on my green eyes.

The stylist messed it up badly though, it really looked like I had 2 layers of hair, like the way a wedding cake looks. Top was chunky and chin length, and the bottom layer just a few thin bits. It was so horrible I did not wear it natural for months, instead up or curled/wavy.

And the journey begins..

But that is when I started growing my hair, without a goal..I just knew I wanted to get away from that ugly hair cut. At that time I started medieval reenactment, hairwise it had a huge influence on me, because I remembered the medieval princess with the long hair. My own hair was a bit longer again, below shoulder length, it was a bit layered and healthy.
I sort of "crashed" into the medieval scene on my first visit. Stood the whole weekend in different camps, people were so friendly they gave me food and a place to sleep. To my surprise I received lots of compliments on my hair, things I have never heard. I never really paid attention to the fact that I had shiny hair. Many suggested I should grow it longer.
I made a pact : "I will let it grow as long as it is healthy and looks good". Back then I did not expect to get far, but I thought Bra Strap Length would not be so bad. I really did reach that length.
My Ex also liked all the things he said he would not like, I had tossed my brown contact lenses the weekend I stood at that fair and I had begun to grow my hair out..and although he liked all those things now, I did not like him anymore and it was over for good.

Not much later I met my husband (then in the U.S. Army), when we exchanged numbers the night we met he could not remember my name and instead noted me as "dark, longhaired girl" in his phonebook. He found my hair really beautiful, I guess the texture itself, my husband is not too focused on length, long is good and that is anything from shoulder blade and down...I'm pretty sure he has a max. length, just I have not gotten there.

Because of his admiration I felt even more confident and after experimenting with layers I grew my hair a bit more. Very carefully really since I was still afraid of a sudden barrier...I'm not quite sure what I imagined, but stylists still told me my hair should not be too long.
By late 2005 it was at waist length again. The length where I had stopped then. I did start to notice changes in my hairs health, but nothing drastic. My ends felt a bit dry sometimes, they would get tangled when I sleep on them at night..it was a whole new length.

A new chapter

I did not know what to do with all that hair, I just realized how long it had gotten. That is when I started searching the web for "long hair styles", which brought me across a long hair Forum.
I could not believe a forum about long hair existed, but it was there and everyone had pictures of the back of their heads in their signature. Many women had hair so long...you barely see that in real life.

I was then interrupted by very bad news. It was suddenly decided that my husband had to go to Iraq. We thought we were lucky since a bunch of troops from our baracks has already been sent. I mean after all he somehow was not sent in 2004 because he was at the very bottom of the list..but this time he really had to go. Within one month my husband had left to Iraq, I can't describe how I felt...constantly being worried that something might happen, coming home to an empty apartment. It felt unreal.

I tried to distract myself, spent lots of time on the internet. Also on that said Longhair Forum. I then had the idea to grow my hair as long as my husband was deployed as some sort of welcome back surprise. I thought it was a good idea and nicer than running to the Salon 2 days before his return.
I had a rough start, after a salon visit went wrong all hair started breaking off, it thinned a lot...similar to now, but I still grew it out. Back then I changed my hair care emmensely, not only that, my quick peak into biology classes at Army College took a turn when I had to write an article about human hair. I did not quite stick with the topic but my professor was impressed and when he heard that I wanted to know so much about hair because I am growing it for my husband in Iraq, he referred me to other classes that could be useful. In the end, abusing my military ID...I took every class possible, german or english, sneaking into Universitys...anything that could help me grow beautiful long hair. Once I had enough knowledge, I saw that it is so easy to do everything wrong...but also easy to do everything right. You just need a lot of patience to fix mistakes you have made over years.
Long story short...by the time my husband came back my hair was tailbone length. He was actually shocked to see it IRL, even wanted me to cut it back to waist length because it reminded him of how long he was gone. After some time he came to like it though.

I guess by that time I officially had a "hair spleen", my friends and family made fun of me all the time when I tried to give advice, but they were also impressed with what I had achieved.
On the hair forums, especially German forums, I was passing out a lot of advice to people also trying to grow their hair. My hair was so admired by some and my advice wanted, it was crazy. More and more people kept asking me for help, and that was when I decided to write all of my knowledge down on a website.

Knowing that my own journey and story had inspired many people, I included it on that website. My sister, friends and cousin were also growing their hair, inspired by me.. and I thought it would be a great idea to include their journey on my website too. That way we could show the world how to grow long hair and that it can look so beautiful. I know many people have really bad clishees about long hair in their heads...from boring over damaged, not fashionable, not past a certain age...but that is all simply bull shit. Long Hair is glorious at any age on any person...you do not need the face for it like you do for the latest bob.
Short hair is what others may prefer, and I accept that, but I am only trying to say that with long hair there is no "bad hair cut".

My legacy

I was still growing my hair, my goal has changed many times. It is called "hair anorexia" on forums, we joke about it but there is some truth to it, once you start growing your hair most end up wanting it longer and even longer. I guess it simply is because you truely love a very long length but having much shorter hair you can not imagine wearing it yourself until you actually get to experience long hair. Once it is very long, your perception on hair length also changes.

In 2007 we moved to the States after my husband got out of the Army. I was unhappy about it, but it was the best solution for us at that moment.

I had found more people for my website, willing to document growing their hair. I offered them free consulation in return. I got the idea of opening a little forum so those people could interact with each other if they had questions. That was January 2008, and since then the forum has grown into something I never planned, but just what came naturally. My website experienced the same thing..more and more people got inspired and loved what I do, they loved that private family atmosphere on the forums. By now I have about 70 people documenting on the website (and I have to keep that small), they are put into 3 groups, depending on how long they have been with us. There is also many independent members on the forums and I somehow turned into everyones Guru. Under my nickname, which I have kept private, many people know me and my hair on the forums.

How did I come to help people?
I think it has to do with the fact that I know what it is like to want something badly, but it is hard to get. I know how I felt thinking I could not grow long hair, and I don't want people to be sad and give up because of mistakes that can be fixed. I want to be guidance, support, good advice and a friend...or my community that is, because really I'm just a woman who grew her hair long. But my forum is influenced by my values and ideas.

The end? Or a new beginning?

I was glad to see my hair improving so much also, I know to many my hair looked great already, but I imagined what it would be like once all the taper from breakage, old dye and layers were gone. All "virgin hair", all well cared for.
Like you know know it did not continue smoothly for me. I had just reached classic length (buttocks) when I fell ill. There is a lot to my sickness but to explain briefly - I had a cancer scare combined with hormonal imbalances. Quit birth control in July because of the possible negative long term effects of this powerful drug. Then I was treated under the headline "cervical cancer", although I did not have real cancer yet, I had an infection and abnormal cells. The treatment was exhausting.
At the same time I got pregnant because my new birth control did not work for me. Because of my condition I was unable to keep the child though.
After all that was over, October 2009 I was left in a bad state and I was loosing my hair. At first I did not worry too much but when in December my hair started getting so thin at the bottom that I had trouble photographing or filming it (like you coud not see it really) I got worried.

Well so here I am, currently visiting a lot of Doctors to find out what happend and hoping that I get to keep my hair or at least most of it. That means that I may have to shorten it significantly but I am hoping for the best..which would be a not so big trim I guess. I have already shortened it about 2" because the ends just looked too transparent.

Honestly....going much shorter would be the hardest thing for me to do after this journey. Be warned that if you start a journey like that there is a risk that you get really emotionally attached to your hair. And I don't mean that type of attachment someone has when they might like a change, but are just hesitant to go for it because of what they are used to. What I mean is - when you have achieved your dream and your ideal through hard work, and something is threatening it. That is how I feel.